Best Friends?
by lori-la-strange
Summary: Ignore the original title! Things start to become...weird in the SB/RL relationship. Warning! Includes fluffiness, dreams, bickering and Marauder madness.
1. Bad Dog

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I've never written a Harry Potter fic before...so here goes!

**Just some fluff about my favourite characters - Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.**

**Remus' musings on his feelings towards his friend. ****You've been warned****.**

**Disclaimer: So not mine! Belongs to the incredible J.K Rowling.**

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"Aww come on Moony. You know you can tell me!"

"Can't and I won't."

"Please?"

"Nope."

"Pretty please!"

"No."

"Meany! But we have ways of making you talk Mr Moony!"

"Pads!" I pause, unnerved by his evil villain impersonation "W-what are you doing?"

How am I supposed to take this kind of torture? There I was, quietly minding my own business in the Gryffindor common room, when a certain Mr Black strolls over and starts twittering on in a pleading voice about needing the answers to our potions homework.

Potions homework that was due in a week ago, may I add.

This time I'm not going to help him. I'm not. He's always making me do all the work around here, and for once, I'm making a stand.

Yes I am. Yes I am. Yes I am...

Even if said Mr Black decides to plonk himself down into my lap and whimper excessively!

"Sirius! Get off me!" I choke out, glancing round the common room for backup - but to no avail. It remains deserted. Normally I could just yell "GET HIM JAMES!" and I'd be rescued from this fate...

Who am I kidding? James would just laugh at me and say something like "what a cute couple!" Yes, real big help there!

But at least it would feel less awkward.

"I'm appealing to your conscience my dear Remus!" Whispers Sirius right in my ear, a naughty grin spreading from ear to ear - to my horror.

"Yeah? Well my conscience isn't in my lap!" I retort, blushing fiercely at this contact.

"Really? That is a shame. It is oh-so comfy here!" He nuzzles into me, long dark hair in my face. Torture!

"Get off!" I shriek, shoving him off me with an effort.

I just can't handle this right now. I don't know whether it's due to my lycanthropy or exam nerves or whatever. Just lately I've been feeling...uncomfortable around certain people.

Okay, well not people exactly. A certain person.

The same person who is now sat on the floor looking up at me with big, grey, puppy dog eyes.

Uh oh.

He rests his chin on my knees, looking dejected yet still annoyingly playful.

"Don't give me that look Sirius."

The look intensifies.

"Sirius!"

A single whimper.

"FINE THEN!"

I pick my potions notebook off the table next to me and swat him around the head with it.

"Ouch!" He stands up (finally!) and triumphantly takes the book from me. "You keep beating me up Moony! First you shove me off your lap, then you ruthlessly smack me 'round my precious head!" he staggers around dramatically, still smiling sweetly.

I raise one eyebrow and sigh.

"Okay, okay...thank you Moony. Warning noted!" He adds hastily before allowing the sunniest smile to escape and I find (to my annoyance) I'm smiling back, "this more than makes up for it, my friend! You're a star!" He says, ruffling my hair happily before rushing towards the dorms to - no doubt - copy off me right away (at least I hope so. I do want it back some time before I graduate).

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Yes, I gave in.

Don't look like that! I know I vowed I wouldn't let him copy off me. I know it does him no good in the long run. Actually, that's not completely true. Sirius Black always pulls through anything, with or without my help. He's just lucky like that. He became an animagus (for me!) in less than three years. He's confident, handsome, with a natural intelligence that gets him through almost any situation...

Everyone knows this. It's common knowledge. He's not popular for nothing you know. But they don't know him like I do. His groupies and moronic supporters - I mean. They don't understand the harsh family he comes from. The hardships he has endured - yet survived. I think of the home he's come from, and it makes me proud of him. For being the wonderful person he is today. A true friend. A charming, funny and good man. A man I find I'm falling f-

NO!

I can't let myself think along those lines. Not ever. EVER. He would be appalled if he knew. **I'm** appalled. It would wreck everything.

So I swallow these new feelings. Ignore them desperately.

Because what else can I do?

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**Well? Got any answers for him?!**

**Or reviews for me? Pretty please?! Please be merciful...**

**Thanks for reading xx**


	2. Bad Snape

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Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed. It means so much to me. xx

Disclaimer: Surely you've gotta know it's J K Rowling's!

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"He loves you Sirius."

I jump so violently, it's a wonder my head doesn't hit the dungeon's ceiling. I risk a glance in their direction.

"And who is it are you referring to this time James?" Replies Sirius, a lazy grin spreading across his handsome face as he lolls on the bench in mild interest.

My heart stops.

"Slughorn, of course!" Replies James with a sigh. I let out a rush of air. Panic over. Yet James shoots me a brief but knowing look, that makes my mouth go dry. Surely he couldn't see how fast my heart was racing over that false alarm? Maybe I was imagining it. But before I can question him further, Peter interrupts.

"I never knew he was gay!" His mouth hangs open in a state of shock.

"Don't get your hopes up Pete. He's only got eyes for Padfoot," laughs James, teasingly elbowing Sirius in the ribs as Peter merely looks confused (he'll work that one out later), "I mean, if any of us had handed in homework_ that _late, we'd be done for. Well, almost anyone..." He adds, shooting a longing look at Lily Evans - Queen of potions and James' heart.

"James. Tongue. On floor," I joke, trying to sound completely at ease. It almost works, until Sirius laughs appreciatively at my little joke next to me, his moody eyes fixed on mine in the dim light. The light of his caldron's fire casts a soft glow upon his features. He looks quite beautiful...

"Anyway..." I clear my throat and lean over mine and Peter's caldron, (of course James and Sirius are working together a little way from us. Inseparable as always) pretending to be suddenly immersed in the Nightmare Expelling potion we're working on together. It's a shame I'm having trouble concentrating really, seeing as I could really use some these days. With all the 'furry little problem' related nightmares I've been having lately.

No that was not a euphemism.

I've been having seriously bad dreams about what would happen if my incredible/brilliant/brave/add any other flattering words here - friends were not around once I've transformed every full moon.

Yes. I am a werewolf and yes, it is horrible. More terrible than you could imagine. When I was first told of my condition I felt contaminated. Like I was some kind of dangerous, diseased animal. I am. Just once a month though. At least, that's what I tell myself. That I'm only a vicious wolf once a month and myself for all the other blissfully full moon free nights. But deep down I know Moony's always there - inside me - just waiting to resurface.

That's what I have nightmares about. Wouldn't you?

Then there's the other new dreams concerning…

Anyway, as I said before, I have my friends - The Marauders. They're simply wonderful to me. When they found out about me, they didn't run away or reject me. In fact, they tried to become more like me. No, that doesn't sound right. Doesn't describe the scale of their gesture. They became animagi to keep me company and others safe during my transformations. Peter Pettigrew became a rat (Wormtail); James Potter becomes a stag (Prongs) and Sirius Black, a friendly, big, black dog (Padfoot). I must mention, this took them years to master, and is very illegal. But they did it all for me. I almost cried when they told me (ALMOST, despite what James may say!). I cannot possibly express how much it meant to me.

And the fact that Sirius became a dog makes me very happy for some reason. It's like we share something. Like it makes us closer. Maybe he chose to transform into a dog for that specific reason...

"REMUS NO!" Shrieks Peter, shocking me away from my train of thoughts "That's garble root! It'll make it blow right up!" he grabs my right wrist before I can add the offensive ingredient - just in time. Clearly, the memory of growing new eyebrows after last time is all too clear to him.

"S-sorry!" I stammer, stunned. You know something isn't right if Wormtail is correcting **me**in potions.

"Blimey Moony! Where's your brain gone? Remember what it did to Wormy last time he did that?" Giggles James.

"Don't call me that!" Says Peter, looking wounded. Obviously, he doesn't do it as well as Sirius does, so all this achieves is a roll of James' eyes.

James looks like he's going to reply scathingly until the walking walrus man interrupts. Not a nickname I'd use for Professor Slughorn myself, but I've caught some of the less mature, younger years calling him that (well, them and Sirius of course). I'll admit there is a slight resemblance, with that long curved moustache, dangling well past his chin. And to be kind, I'll just say he's not the skinniest fellow I've ever seen in that vast, emerald green suit...

"Boys!" He claps his hands sharply once, making me jump again, "what's going on over here?" his voice booms enquiringly from beside James, who looks amused, "I take it you four have almost finished?"

"I doubt it," cuts in a familiar but cold drone from behind us, "seeing as that Lupin just tried to purposefully blow up the classroom yet again with garble root."

Oh yeah, it seems there was someone who didn't accept my lycanthropy quite as well as my friends did. Can't say I blame him, seeing as I nearly ate him. Well, Moony did. And it would have been all mine and Sirius' fault (he let slip where he could find me - wolf me). Needless to say, there's no love between us.

"Shut up Snivellus!" comes the automatically angry reply from Sirius. He turns around and glares fiercely at the dark, greasy haired boy sat behind us known as Severus Snape.

Or 'Snivellus' to us non-Slytherins.

I feel the whole class stop and stare. My face goes red.

Snape sneers back. "Surprise, surprise. Black comes to his defence. Only because he dared him to do it."

Sirius' mouth drops open.

"Liar!" shriek James and Peter simultaneously, as the accused remain temporarily lost for words.

"Well, I wouldn't expect that from dear Remus here," Replies Slughorn - finally, "So maybe I'll grace them with the benefit of the doubt, just this once!" Smiles Slughorn. "Be careful though." He whisks the incriminating garble roots from my potions set and winks at Sirius before plodding towards Lily Evans and shrieking in delight over her potion vials.

"I have newfound respect for Slughorn!" Laughs James.

"Definitely loves you!" Whispers Peter, nodding at Sirius, looking scandalised.

I know what they're doing. They're trying to make light of the situation. Trying to distract Sirius. I know him too well though. He's hot headed and hates injustice and Snape more than anyone else in Hogwarts.

"Padfoot?" I whisper timidly. I place my hand on his arm (the wolf stirs unpleasantly at this contact), but its no good. He stands up and slams his hands on the table behind ours with a bang, making Snape jump terribly.

"What the hell did you do that for, you vile little creep?" He doesn't shout it. He doesn't need to. He has that wild look in those stormy, grey eyes that tells you when you've gone too far. His cheeks are aflame like mine, only his are clearly from rage, not embarrassment.

"Because I wanted to - you Blood Traitor." Comes the cruel response. He hisses it with a nasty smile on his face and I feel Sirius' arm tremble slightly.

Why is no one listening now? I glance at Slughorn, but he is still far away with Lily. I know Sirius is going to blow.

"Oh no he didn't!" Shouts James. I shoot him a furious look as he stands up to let him know that he is not helping.

Sirius tenses.

"He's not worth it," I whisper in his ear. Seconds pass slowly when to my great relief, he breaks eye contact with the foul boy and turns to me. His eyes are filled with unexpressed rage and hurt. It's so unbearably intense. I give him a shaky smile which he returns to my surprise.

"Yeah, I think you're right Rem." He replies shakily, "He's so not." And with that, Sirius throws him a disgusted look and moves to sit down once more. I let go of him.

Unfortunately, this blatant indifference serves to only infuriate Snape. He clearly wants to get Sirius in trouble. He succeeds.

"Yeah, that's right, listen to the filthy half breed!"

SMACK!

It was so fast, I scarcely saw it. Sirius didn't even bother to pull out his wand, giving in to primal instincts instead; he leapt across Snape's table and punched him in his long, beaky nose. A sickening sound of bones crunching filled the air.

"Don't you. EVER. CALL HIM. THAT!" Sirius punched him a few more times in the face for good measure as they roll on to the dungeon floor, Snape giving as good as he got.

"GET OFF M-"

Muggle style punching.

Blood.

Passing in a blur.

So surreal.

I try to pull Sirius away, only to end up with dangerous, lukewarm, unfinished potion over the both of us.

"Sirius - no!" Pete, James and I desperately try to wrench them apart.

"STUPEFY!" Slughorn's powerful incantation hit both of them in their chests, sending them reeling apart into unconsciousness on the cold, stone floor.

What the hell just happened?

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Bit violent - I do apologise.

Do you think the rating should be upped?

Hope you like. xx


	3. Dog Tired

**Thanks for all the reviews. They make me well happy and want to keep writing. **

**Enjoy.**

**WARNING: Slight slash. Don't like, don't read (I read that somewhere else before - right on!).**

**Disclaimer: J K Rowling owns all characters of course.**

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"Oh dear, Sirius...are you okay?"

"Whaa?"

"Sirius?"

"Go away Mum...You can't make me tap dance - I WON'T!"

"Sirius! It's me, Remus."

"Oh!"

Sirius' eyes finally snap open. He looks bleary and confused, lying on one of the many stiff beds (believe me, I've spent enough time here after painful transformations to know they're not so comfortable) in the din of the hospital wing. His dark hair is fanned out across the pillow. He looks like some kind of dark, fallen angel. Clichéd I know, but not entirely inappropriate.

"Strange dream..." He murmurs, grinning sheepishly. And it's right then that I have confirmation that he's going to be all right.

"Padfoot my man!" grins James. He nudges me out of the way and snatches Sirius' hand before pumping it enthusiastically, "Glad you're no longer out for the count. I believe congratulations are in order!"

"And why might that be?" Sirius' voice is still shaky, but the smile remains present if not a little confused.

"Because you, my friend, broke Severus Snape's nose!" laughed James.

"Oh...right. That." It appears that Sirius' lack of enthusiasm is enough for even James to take the hint and back off. Until a smile breaks out and he adds wickedly, "it was nothing!"

"It was most definitely something." I say flatly, trying to convey my feelings of unease to Padfoot without the others noticing. He glances at me briefly, before looking away once more.

I feel I must explain. I feel very weird in this situation for three particular reasons. One, it feels extremely strange to be the one visiting someone in this place. Two, I feel very bad. Sirius attacked Severus because of me. At least I think he did...and that's why he's been lying here unconscious for the past three hours now. It's my fault. That split lip, is my fault. That black eye? My fault. I should've restrained him, or hit Severus myself, as soon as he insulted Sirius. Like a real friend would have done. **Did** do.

_His split lip... _That leads me nicely into my second reason. I feel strangely (and guiltily) honoured that Padfoot got all banged up for me (if his motivations were guessed correctly by me, James and Pete that is). And that kind of makes me want to...well...kiss him better.

There, I said it. I'm a horrible, horrible person...

"Where is he?" asks Sirius suddenly attempting to get up. He looks around the ward with a panic-stricken look on his face. Whether he feels the need to pummel Snape some more or inspect the damage he inflicted is anyone's guess.

"Back in bed, back in bed Mr Black!" Cries Madam Pomfrey, the kind but stern school matron, advancing from out of nowhere.

"Snivellus left a bit before you did. Didn't hit his head that hard I think, but still looked a right mess." Replied Peter over Sirius' protests.

"But I'm fine!" Insists Sirius, as she practically forces him back into a lying position on the bed.

"Now, now. None of that. Took a nasty fall you did. You definitely have signs of a concussion so you'll have to stay here overnight." Her manner, though friendly is incredibly firm. As I have stated before, I am no stranger to this place so I know all too well that any resistance against Poppy Pomfrey is futile. "Don't give me that look Mr Black (I compress a smile). It's your own fault you're here...fighting like a muggle - dear, dear, dear." she sighed.

"But I'm-"

"ENOUGH!"

Sirius, James, Peter and I all jump about three feet in the air. No joke.

"Say goodbye to your friends and get some rest now."

"Get some rest? He's been unconscious for almost three hours now!" Protests Peter bluntly.

"I have?"

Poppy chose to ignore Sirius' alarmed question, "All the more reason for him to **rest up**!" And on the words 'rest up' she mercilessly shoves all three of us towards the exit.

This is no good. I want to talk to him. Need to talk to him. I'm not entirely sure of what I want to say yet. But what can I say?

_"Thanks for brutally pummelling Snivellus for me Pads and by the way, can I jump on you?"_

That'll go down well.

It's as I'm thinking this that I have an idea.

"Actually, could I possibly stay please?" I enquire sweetly to the back of Madam Pomfrey.

"What?" She asks whirling around. "Oh it's you Remus," her expression softens considerably, "not feeling well again are we?"

"No, not really," I whimper, clutching my stomach.

"But full moon's not until - OW!"

Peter falls silent and I bless James Potter and his foot stomping ways

"Well, I suppose you could stay here for a little while - away from Sirius though, he needs to rest," she replies, "Rest of you - out!"

After a couple of annoyed 'Bye Pads and Moonys', Madam Pomfrey pours me some of my usual stomach-settling tonic before leaving Padfoot and me in peace. I can't believe it was that easy to pull a fast one over her. It may have just been in my mind, but I swear she winked at me before leaving us alone together! Surely not...

"Nice one Moony!" smiles Sirius from his designated bed. The angelic comparisons disappear. He looks positively devilish now. His arms are behind his head as he lazily lounges, smiling wickedly at me. I swallow. Hard.

"Don't know what you mean." I reply, with as much sincerity as I can muster. I slip into a chair beside him.

"Come on! Lying to your beloved Matron! And all so you can stay with poor little me!"

He's so annoying when he's like this.

"As a matter of fact, I do have a stomach ache!" (Well, that's sort of true. I have butterflies right now anyway.) "And I do not lie." I lie smoothly.

"Course you don't." His tone has changed now. Before he sounded positively drunk (guess he really is concussed). But now he emphasises the words strangely as if they have some kind of hidden meaning.

"Am I supposed to know what that means?" I ask cannily.

"Hello? Wolf-man!" He giggles, waving cheerfully at me.

I sigh and take a mental note: Definitely concussed!

I decide to go for it (not like that!) seeing as he's in such a docile state, "Why did you do that to Snape?" I ask, carefully watching his expression. It's getting dark outside so this is not easy.

"You know why." He says, suddenly looking serious (no pun intended).

Unfortunately his sudden soberness makes me nervous and therefore babble. Maybe it's the way his concealed, shadowy eyes are facing me that's most unnerving. "Well, yes. I know you and Snape hate each other and he** was **incredibly rude to you but even so-"

"He called you a filthy half breed." Whispers Sirius, cutting me off. My heart does this funny skittering thing, but I keep listening intently, "He called you a half breed." He repeats. I wait for more, but am disappointed.

"I know." I reply awkwardly, "but he wanted to get you in trouble and I honestly don't care what he calls **me** Siri..." I trail off pathetically, knowing I can't possibly say anything more.

He smiles when I call him by my own private nickname for him so affectionately. I didn't mean to let it slip out.

He clears his throat and smiles broadly, "Well I do. No one insults my Moony. Except for me of course!"

I smile too. It's such a typical Padfoot thing to say. So sweet and flippant, like he is. I'm so glad things are okay between us.

"You're hurt." He whispers suddenly, holding my bandaged arm gently, his eyes looking sad. This sudden contact unsettles me and I struggle to remember what he's on about.

"Oh right...It was the potion I knocked over - not your fault," I slow down, my mind feeling sluggish. How can I concentrate when his hand is stroking my bandage so whilst looking so adorably absent minded? "It soaked through my robes...felt all sore and itchy..." I trail off lamely.

"Snap, I guess," he says gently, lifting his other bandaged arm up, "It's a relief I must say. Thought Snivellus had given me fleas or something!"

I smile, examining his bandage (on there to stop us scratching it, I assume), "Pomfrey says it's nothing bad though, seeing as the potion was unfinished..." Why am I whispering? Why can't I think straight?

My desire to kiss him unfortunately returns stronger than ever before as I stare into his silver eyes that are now illuminated by the moon shining through the window. I hate the moon, but right now, I find I adore it. Sirius can make anything beautiful. The way it makes his long, dark hair shimmer softly as it slightly curls on his shoulders...

He's so intoxicating - I'm trapped. The need is so strong, that time appears to have slowed down. I can't think. Can't breathe. I want him. I find I'm leaning closer to him...

"I told you to let Sirius rest up Mr Lupin!" I snap out of the hypnotic hold Sirius has over me, flustered. My relegation to 'Mr Lupin' tells me I've somehow infuriated Madam Pomfrey.

"I'm s-sorry," I stammer, "I'll just go..."

I almost trip over in my haste to get the hell out of there. That was too close. Far, far too close. I hope he didn't notice. But how could he fail to?

But no. He couldn't have. He'd certainly hate me if he did and I swear I heard a certain animagus call out for me to 'come back'...

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_Later that night..._

_Hands, so soft and gentle - everywhere at once. In my golden hair, on my scarred, bare chest, on my waist. Caressing, stroking, loving..._

_He smiles and kisses me passionately. I trace his every outline and sigh. The curve of his body, the smokiness of his hair, the strength in those arms...So beautiful._

_He tells me I'm beautiful too. Loves me, he says. I want it to be true. I want to be loved. I want it so badly._

_This is where I belong. In his arms. His bed. His embrace. This is where I want to be._

_So I let him love me. The dream intensifies. He is inside me, a part of me. Always a part of me. _

_Panting, shaking, moaning...___

_**As the young werewolf slept, little did he know that in the hospital wing of Hogwarts, someone else was dreaming too.**_

_**The exact same dream to be precise...**___

**A/N: Well there you go!**

**I couldn't be too graphic at the end because I'm not very confident at writing that kind of thing...But I suppose I may have to try later on. If you want, of course!**

**Please review and tell me what you think.**

**And by the way, I'm sorry I can't reply to those who've reviewed. My email account's being horrible. Don't think for one second I don't appreciate them because I do! xx**

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	4. Boundaries, what boundaries?

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You're all so lovely and supportive. Thanks so much if you reviewed xx

Been having a bit of writers block - sorry

Disclaimer: It all belongs to J K Rowling. Shame on you if you didn't know that!

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Pour the drink. Don't let yourself think about Sirius Black.

Drink your pumpkin juice. Don't think about Sirius Black!

Eat your breakfast...STOP THINKING ABOUT SIRIUS BLACK!

"MOONY! Stop it!"

I jump terribly and glance up at James nervously, knocking over a jug of pumpkin juice in the process. Nicely done!

"WHAT?" I know my cheeks are reddening revealingly, but I can't help it. That was just plain creepy. It was as if James had read my mind over the breakfast table...God I hope he didn't! True, we Marauders do share a strong link but I highly doubt our beloved Mr Potter could excel at legilimancy (that would involve taking more work on to learn it you see, and James is allergic to any extra learning). This logical thought allows me to await his answer feeling slightly calmer than before.

"You know what!" Replies James, indicating the puddle in front of me, "what's wrong with you today? Having a heart attack when I try and wake you from a trance..." he sighs, "he's acting weird, isn't he Pete?"

Peter looks up from his plate of bacon looking confused, "What?" his eyes widen, "Why are people staring at us?"

Indeed, people are looking at me and sniggering. Who could blame them? I'm dripping.

"I honestly don't know what you mean James." I attempt to say as coolly as possible (which is not very, as I can hear my voice getting higher).

"Aw come off it! Is it Sirius?" James asks suddenly, running his hand through his manic, black hair.

I am startled once more, "Sirius? What? No! Why would it be Sirius? Of course it isn't! Don't be ridiculous James! Sirius! Ha..."

Peter and James exchange glances. Peter's is one of utter confusion (still!) and James' look is far more worrying. He looks all smug, like he's just caught the snitch in a match against Slytherin.

"Definitely about Sirius then!" He laughs as I start to panic, "Don't worry about him Remus, he'll be out of the infirmary this morning. It wasn't your fault."

I almost blurt out _I know it wasn't! _But then it occurs to me that this is the perfect excuse for my apparent weirdness. I lower my head droopily and try to look all guilty. This isn't hard seeing as **I am** feeling guilty...only not for any reason James would ever guess.

At least I certainly hope not!

"Come on Moony, it aint that bad." I am touched and a little confused at James' sudden sensitivity. Until I notice Lily Evans is sat a little further on, head tilted inquisitively to one side, peering in our direction. Then it all becomes quite clear.

"I'm fine!" I announce suddenly, glancing at her so she can hear as well. Lily is a good friend of mine and I do not wish to cause her any concern. I smile at her and am relieved when she returns it. James frowns.

Thankfully, Peter eventually changes the subject, muttering something about a game of practise Quidditch this fine Saturday morning. I let it all wash over me, nodding now and then in agreement whilst my mind is still where it has been since I woke up very late last night.

It was so intense. The dream. It was just so incredibly real. I've had dreams before, but never so sensuous. Never so memorable. I could smell his uniquely, spicy Sirius-scent. Feel warm chills in every single place where he touched my body. Hear his passion-filled voice reverberate right down my spine as he...

"Hey! You're back!"

"Nice going man."

Giggles and whispers fill the hall.

"I'm glad Snivellus didn't harm his gorgeous face."

"He still looks great!"

"More than great!"

Uh oh!

I have to get out of here. I was dreading seeing him after I almost kissed him, but now it's even worse! It feels like we really did...

"Hey guys!" He sits down right next to me of course. Fantastic!

I somehow murmur a greeting too. I really wish I hadn't let myself think about that dream just then, especially now he's sat so close. I risk a glance.

I see he's immediately piling his plate high with bacon, but apart from that, he looks perfectly healthy. His hair looks slightly damp - freshly washed - hanging freely on his shoulders. He flicks it out of his face and I hear several of his female fans sigh. The previously black eye has already faded (bless Madam Pomfrey. Oh no! I sound like one of those stupid Sirius Groupies - ack!), but a small cut remains on his bottom lip. I find I'm helplessly staring at his lips now until he looks at me. It's one of his lazy 'what you lookin at?' glances so I try to smile as normally as possible as if to say 'nuffin!'

He doesn't smile back at me. He looks away awkwardly.

"You feeling alright mate? You look a bit..." James trails off. I don't know whether to be glad he's noticed something's off about him or not. If James senses something's wrong with Sirius then it definitely isn't my imagination.

"Just great Prongs," He replies with a mouthful of bacon, "didn't sleep too well is all."

Is it just my imagination, or is he blushing a little?

Sirius **never **blushes. He just isn't the blushing type. What's wrong with him? What has **he **got to blush about?!

"Neither did Remus," Peter suddenly announces brightly, he looks across at me - probably noticing my appalled expression, "I heard you tossing and turning is all."

My face feels like its on fire as I try to feign disinterest, "Was I really? Oh well..."

I do not dare look at Sirius, fearing I'd burst into flames if I did, like some craggy old phoenix. Time to leave, I most definitely think (especially as I'm starting to think weird stuff like that!). I leap up, muttering about studying much to their annoyance.

"Come on Moony, it's Saturday!"

"Sorry guys, I'll have to see you later."

I hate myself sometimes!

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"What was all that about?" Asks James frowning slightly, "I mean, I know Moony's strange and all, but never that strange!"

I stare at the empty plate in front of me, acting as though I'm not listening.

"It must have been you!"

I look up to see James looking at me all accusingly before demanding, "What did you do to him Sirius?"

To which there is only one sane reply really, "Hey! Don't look at me Prongs; I'm just eating bacon here!"

James sighs (but I can tell he really wants to grin deep down!) "No, I mean last night, in the hospital wing. What did you say to him 'coz he's been weird ever since."

Both Peter and James are staring at me. Bloody interrogation or what? And I'm the invalid here (well not really but don't tell them that. I've been enjoying the attention!)!

"Well that's very astute of you Mr Prongs but I assure you, I did nothing to disturb our sensitive wolfy friend_."_ _At least not in reality anyway!_

James' bespectacled eyes narrow at me suspiciously; he even points a finger at me (way too over the top in my opinion), "There's something you guys aren't telling me."

I suddenly feel very bored with this subject. So bored in fact, that I am almost tempted to tell James about this intriguing little dream I had last night (which consisted of me doing delightful but unexpected things to Remus, strange I know), just to see his face. But then the part of my mind kicks in that I like to call 'Sane Sirius' so I settle for...

"Stop being paranoid Prongs. And stop pointing at me before I do something to that finger which will sadly affect your seeker-of-the-century reputation!"

"Making threats again Black? Some things never change!"

Lily Evans is passing by our table, much to my annoyance.

"Hi Evans," says James, his voice uncommonly deep as he starts to blush. I open my mouth to exert my brand of Sirius Sarcasm over all this but a sharp kick to my shin shuts me right up before I can even begin (three guesses as to who did that!).

Luckily, someone speaks for me (if not a little more childish than what I would have said. Dead sophisticated I am! Just ask my fan club...).

"Potty loves Evans! POTTY LOVES EVANS! WEEEHEEEHEEEE!" The entire Gryffindor table is forced to duck as a shower of jammy-bread rolls rain down upon us from the heavens. Well not the heavens of course, but from the chubby, mischievous poltergeist named Peeves who's currently throwing them at us with deadly accuracy! I would have laughed at his previous announcement if he hadn't got jam all in my hair!

"Arrr! Sod off Peeves!" I notice James has turned redder than the jam as we are forced to evacuate the hall and head for cover (much to the Slytherin table's delight. Well, until Peeves sang "What you laughing at Slither heads? Peevsy thinks it's YOUR TURN!").

Poor mate. Another chance for him to prove how cool he is to Lily ruined once more. At least that'll get him off of my case for a while. He'll be brooding over what happened for a good two days at least! That said though, I think he did have a point about Remus acting weird around me because I may have been concussed last night, but I'm almost positive he was going to kiss me or something. It sounds crazy I know, but it just might be true. And then there was that dream of mine…oh Merlin! But maybe I shouldn't mention **that **to him. I don't want him to turn magenta and explode. Which he would do, especially if he knew that I kind of enjoyed it…

Oh no, I did not just think that!

Yep. I think it's definitely time him and me had a little chat!

**Thanks for reading. Please feel free to review! xx**

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	5. Oh boy

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Really sorry I'm taking so long to update. I'm taking my A-level exams and looking around universities at the moment so I do have very good excuses! Eeek stress!! I swear I'm normally way better at updating than this, but it can't be helped at the moment...I'm rambling again aren't I?!

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Disclaimer: As if you don't know! J K Rowling owns it.

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What is he doing here?

Can't a werewolf change his juice-stained shirt without his crush walking in on him? Said crush who said werewolf was deliberately running away from in the first place, may I add?

I must say, there really is no justice in the world.

"Hey Moony."

But then I really look at him.

"SIRIUS!" I shriek in shock, "What happened? Are you alright?"

To my complete horror, Sirius' shirt is stained with patches of dark red. I forget I'm shirtless, my scars exposed. I forget to let him answer. I especially forget my newly made vow, to keep as far away from Sirius Black as is humanly possible.

"Was it Snape? Did he get you back?!" I charge over to him all worried...until he bursts out laughing in his usual bark-like way that is.

I realise **just** a tad too late that people with serious bodily injuries don't just stroll into their dormitories and greet their friends in such a calm and composed manner.

Why does only Sirius manage to turn my brain into a useless mound of putty I ask you?

"Jam?" I whisper using the last of my dignity (and werewolf enhanced sense of smell - I think I would recognise the scent of blood by now. Well the wolf would anyway.).

He nods, trying his best to look all mournful (unsuccessfully as the corners of his mouth keep twitching upwards and his eyes are all teary from his stifled laughing fit), "I lost the battle against Peeves my friend. We all did."

"How terrible." I mutter sarcastically, feeling mortified. I turn my back on him and continue on my quest for a clean shirt.

"And where were you my little AWOL comrade? We could've used your Waddiwasi spell on him!"

His tone sounds casual to the average acquaintance who is untrained in the ways of the Sirius, but I know he wants to ask me something. Why I left probably. I decide it's better to ignore this factor.

"Busy," I mutter indistinctly as I pull a shirt over my head, back still turned, "and you know that was only once. I will not teach a whole swarm of Slytherins to charm objects up people's noses. Even if I do get to demonstrate on Peeves!"

I hear him chuckle lightly, "Yeah bad idea I guess." He murmurs, sounding alarmingly close.

I jump and turn around. He doesn't just **sound** close, he **is** close. Too close. His eyes are searching mine in a focused way.

"What aren't you telling me Remus Lupin?"

He's speaking so softly, seductively even. I immediately find I'm struggling not to tell him everything. That's how good he is.

"D-Don't know what you mean..." I stammer, heart racing as I try to back away.

"Do **you** even believe that Remus Lupin?" There's that voice again. Smooth and caressing to the senses, especially when he says my name. He's not even touching me but there's something about the way he's moving. It's like I'm his prey or something. He has me trapped, in many ways and worst of all...

I think he knows it.

I back away in shock from the idea of this, until my back finds the cool wall between our beds. He moves forward too, trapping me against it, hands either side of me, placed on the wall. The part of my brain that's not completely captivated by him is screaming out; _it's a tease. He's playing with you_. He **must** be because he's still not touching me. I don't know which is more frustrating.

I somehow manage to choke out a, "believe what?!"

I feel like kicking myself. We're way past denial now. If he can't see the reaction his closeness is having on my body yet, he soon will. I feel his hot breath on my face. It's making me feel all hot and causes me to tremble.

__

I don't think I could possibly get any closer to this wall…

He smiles deviously "Come on Remus; tell me what's on your mind."

"What are you...?" I realise for myself what he's doing. He's daring me to make a move - to take him. At least, that's what my darkest insticts are telling me. The wolf wants me to take him. I want to take him.

But then I think of the dream. That beautiful dream. And I know I do want him. I do I do I do.

But not like this.

I shove him away, though it feels like I'm tearing away a part of me and I want him so, so badly.

The smile leaves his face in an instant as he stumbles back. It is soon replaced by a look of annoyance, confusion and something else entirely...Hurt?

I scold myself for being so ridiculous. He does the hurting - however unintentional. Like he just did.

I really don't know what to say. Maybe he doesn't either. Maybe that's why we're standing in this unbearable silence.

He gives me one blazing look and opens his mouth. I suddenly think he's going to start yelling obscenities at me or at least insist he was only messing around.

But he doesn't do any of these things.

He doesn't yell. Doesn't excuse himself. Doesn't laugh.

What he does do is push me roughly against the wall once more.

And then kiss me fiercely.

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**Yes! Things are happening now. Review if you like and want more xx**

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	6. Crossing the Line

**My bad. I'm so behind on updates here, so sorry to anyone who is still with me. Like I said before, I'm doing exams at the moment - unfortunately.**

**Thanks so much to my reviewers. LadyLupin7 , Dristi and Rome J Wolf especially.**

**Disclaimer: Obviously J K Rowling's!**

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Oh my god.

He's kissing me.

Really kissing me.

His mouth is moving hungrily, against mine. Exploring. Conquering. My first reaction was stunned immobility but now...I'm giving in to my deepest instincts.

I nip his bottom lip, eliciting a small moan from him which both excites and pleasantly surprises me. One of his strong hands are on my shoulder, holding me against the wall. The other seems to be everywhere. At first it's on my hip, but then he gently cups my face. Then it's in my hair. A startling contrast to the other that's imprisoning me here.

Who am I kidding anymore? I'm hardly protesting. I am no more a prisoner than Sirius is a bad kisser (and that really is saying something). I could easily escape if I wanted to.

His lips move against mine. Any previous kisses were always so meaningless and awkward to me. But this...This is like nothing I've ever felt before. It's passionate and explosive. Yet so inexplicably natural. I miraculously manage to close my eyes, depriving them the sight of the most handsome man they've seen who is now in front of me. Kissing me.

I stumble forwards into him and run my hands through his dark locks. I always wanted to do that and now I can. It's more to keep his lips on mine though. I don't want him to pull away. I don't want him to ever stop. I know he will. And I know there will be consequences that I won't want to hear.

He suddenly grabs me roughly by the collar and pulls me towards him, pressing our bodies together. Suddenly I can feel how much he wants me too.

I know this isn't exactly how I wanted it to be. I know this isn't right. He's not meant to push me around like this, but I'm past caring. I'll take it. I can feel this mad surge of happiness bubbling up inside me as I smile into the kiss and sigh.

"Sirius..."

He breaks away.

His grey eyes are wide, fixed steadily on me when before they were clouded with passion. Now they look confused and guilty as he backs away. I don't want to see that. I don't want to see regret take him over, so I look away.

We're both panting. The only noise that's breaking the silence. I feel hot, rumpled and uncomfortable. I want him to touch me again so much. What's he doing to me?

He clears his throat, "Remus..."

"What?" I snap suddenly, voice breaking.

I can't believe I just said that! Of course I know what he's going to say next. Here comes the excuses. Here comes the denial. He seems to be thinking on the same wavelength.

"Oh nothing!" He says, voice heavy with sarcasm, "It's just - umm. Did you just, you know err, sigh-my-name?" He gabbles, as if to get it out quickly.

I face him in an instant, searching his face for any signs of mockery. He slouches against a bed post, looking all rumpled (from me thoroughly embracing him), an embarrassed yet earnest expression gracing his features. What the hell do I say to that?!

__

Did you just sigh my name?

"Err, no!"

I hate myself sometimes.

He's clearly worried that I must love him or something. Maybe I should tell him the truth. That I can't stop thinking about him. That he is -quite literally- the man of my dreams. But then I see his expression. He's the one sighing now, like he's relieved at my answer. I feel tears prick in my eyes and blink them away hastily before he can notice. He's staring at his feet now.

"Sorry...I know that was a weird question Rem..." Then he looks up at me, a typical Sirius grin back in place, "That was a bit mad of us eh?"

I realise what he's doing. He is unbelievable. He _can't._

He is.

"We were just messing' about though weren't we?"

I don't know whether he wants an answer or is trying to convince himself. Either way, I'm too shocked to answer him. Too afraid those tears may come back again (and that wouldn't scare him _at all_. First sighing his name dreamily, then bursting into hysterics like some psycho stalker...). Because the fact is, he is treating me just like one of his stupid, meaningless 'girlfriends'.

And I can't stand it.

Before I can voice any of this, he casually winks at me and swoops out of the room leaving me alone once more.

* * *

__

**It wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't!**

Hey, don't yell at me Mr Black, I'm just your conscience after all...

**Whatever. That so wasn't a look of hurt on his face at all.**

Well, you're the one who's thinking all this mate. How could you do that to poor little Remus?

**Do what?!**

Treat your best friend like one of those stupid Sirius fans. You know, one of your 'special friends'...

**I wasn't! And stop sounding so high and mighty. Where were you a minute ago when I had a Remus on my face?**

Enjoying the action. As were you...

**SHUT UP!!**

**"**You alright Black?"

Just the face I wanted to see. Not.

"Perfectly fine thanks." I reply icily, hoping Lily'll get the hint and go away.

"Well, just so you know, generally people who are 'perfectly fine' don't go around slamming their heads into common room walls."

"Would if they saw you coming." A small group of Gryfindors nearby gasp from hearing me diss the well liked Prefect Lily.

It slips out before I can help myself and I instantly regret it. Well, only a little. Since she and James have been getting along a bit better lately, she's not been treating me like I'm half hell-spawn anymore (which she has done since I ditched her mate who was duller than a date with Professor Binns. That little Siri-ism may have accidentally slipped out during our break-up...).

She raises her eyebrows coolly, though I see a spark of anger in her bright green eyes (never a good sign. That girl can get really scary when she wants to. Like that time I hung Snape by his undies from a flag pole. Who'd'ave known she was such an accomplished caster of the bat bogey hex? I still have nightmares!).

She twitches her red hair behind her shoulders, "Fine then. Just showing a little concern. But I guess you're back to being an arrogant jerk yet again."

Whatever. I gotta escape through the portrait before Remus comes down.

"Yeah well what can I say Lils? Ours was a love that could never have lasted!" I announce dramatically (more for our audiences sake than anyone else's). I see a glimmer of humour in her eyes that she can't quite conceal beneath that look of supposed disgust.

I glance past her and see a sad and withdrawn Remus walking down the dorm stairs. I push past Lily and head for the nearest exit, hating myself a little and trying to ignore these persistent stabs of guilt I'm feeling..

What's gonna happen next?

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**Thanks for reading. If you liked, please review xx**


	7. Sit!

**Again, thank you so much for reviewing!! So many alerts! **

**Here's a decent sized chapter for you.**

**Disclaimer: J K Rowling totally owns it.**

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"For gods sake SIT DOWN Sirius!"

It's Saturday night, and James is not pleased at all.

We are sat in the common room - which is safe territory since I know for a fact Remus is hiding in the library and has been for most of the day. You see, when you're Sirius Black you can persuade the odd painting to spy for you now and again. Harriet the Hairy just needs some much needed careful flattery here and there and tada - instant spy! I would use the Marauder's map, but it has a few kinks in it at the moment (for some reason it tried to convince us the forbidden forest was Honeydukes. And that Dumbledore was Snape, which needless to say, could have ended very badly!).

Anyway, this doesn't mean that I'm very relaxed because every now and then, some sandy haired boy will stroll through the portrait hole and give me a heart attack. And if this should make me jump up and hide behind me arm chair occasionally, then so be it!

"What?" I ask sounding as innocent as possible. Quite a feat for someone who recently snogged and shot down their best male friend in the short space of, oh say ten minutes...

"You're bobbing up and down like one of those creepy muggle Jack in the boxes," he glances across the wizard chessboard to look at Peter, "that's the right name innit?" Peter merely shrugs, tongue poking out slightly in concentration as he manoeuvres his knight into battle.

I don't see why he's on my case so much. I helped him practise Quidditch all morning whilst enduring irksome cheers of a few female supporters, though that's not too bad obviously. However, the Slytherins turning up is another matter (Snape is going down…). Plus I've played wizard chess until I'm sick of it. All whilst on the alert for a certain werewolf who has refused to be in our presence for some reason unknown to all except me. Needless to say, James is having a good day, victory wise.

God I feel bad.

Naturally, I do not share this. I hide behind the usual Sirius facade again.

"Whatever. I'm just exercising, _**mes amis**._" I say before plonking back down into my seat as the Non-Remus passes by, "You should try it sometime!" I add, to no one in particular.

Peter looks confused by my sudden use of French whilst a few girls nearby look over all hopefully. As if I'm going to start shirtlessly lifting weights or something - honestly!

"Don't let him break your concentration!" Squeals a little bishop as Peter directs him into the path of James's King, and sadly to its doom.

"Funny kind of exercise. Anyone would think you're hiding from something. You know, on the look out for someone..." James allows his voice to trail off ominously.

He knows. Maybe not the specifics, but he knows something's off between me and Moony, and that's not good.

I laugh heartily. Maybe a little too heartily as him and Pete both give me strange looks, "Look, I'm Sirius Black dearest Prongs. So _anyone _should go get a second opinion because I do not hide."

I even manage to add a little, pompous sneer that I've seen on my father's face many times before (until I moved out - hallelujah) for authenticity. I'm so good, I almost said 'Blacks do not hide' but that may have given away the fact that I'm...

The fact that I'm what? Currently confused? A best friend molester? Feeling horrifically guilty inside for possibly hurting said friend's feelings?

The thought of this causes my face to fall a little.

"Look Pads, I know you too well," sighs James, "And I know when you've done something bad. And right now, you've got something I like to call 'Bad Dog' face!"

He's right, he knows me better than anyone else. "Bad Dog face? Ha ha very funny..." I laugh weakly.

"Yep. Totally Bad Dog face." Agrees Peter.

"With just a hint of Guilty Puppy." Adds James and they grin over their agreement.

They aren't half enjoying this. My best mates. I suddenly feel an intense desire to confess all.

"Look guys, I kind of..." I flounder, trying to find the right words, probably turning red.

"We don't need to know mate," says James soothingly. "You've obviously upset Moony. And that's making you both miserable I bet. Just... just go and make it right will ya?"

I feel a rush of brotherly affection for the scruffy haired boy sat before me. He really understands the way I operate and is much wiser than he'll ever let on. Sometimes I think that if Lily could see that side of him more often, then they'd surely be together.

"Fine, fine. You win."

So it's with a feeling of intense apprehension and nervousness, that I drag myself out of that common room and towards the library.

"Good luck!" Shouts an oblivious Wormtail from behind me.

Somehow, I think I'll need it.

* * *

"You're defacing the books aren't you boy? AREN'T YOU? HOW DARE YOU!"

I sigh deeply. "No, I assure you I am not, Madam Pince."

__

Just like I haven't been the first thousand times you've asked me.

The book obsessed, half-demented librarian narrowed her mean little eyes at me, "Of course you're not..."

Something tells me she doesn't believe me whole-heartedly.

"I'll be watching you." _Yeah you do that, you old crab._

It's a battle of epic proportions inside of me to stop myself from voicing that reply. How old is she anyway? She never seems to get older. Just stays looking about seventy, and that's being too kind...

I've been rambling in a similar vane inside my head all afternoon (and sometimes outside, unfortunately. Some second year Hufflepuffs looked very alarmed upon hearing my mutterings, no doubt worrying that this is their fate after their OWLs). I find I'm thinking about anything, just so I don't think of him. It's pathetic I tell you. And slightly twisted, this hold he has over me.

So I can't really blame Pince for being so suspicious. It's a beautiful day outside, and here I've been, all on my own, for the majority of it… Suppose that's a blessing really.

I spoke too soon.

"Remus?"

Uh oh. I know that voice.

It's him.

I consider hiding, but as I have been doing just that for countless hours and have no invisibility cloak, I decide to save what little dignity I have left, and stop hiding like a childish six-year-old (a gay, best friend loving, six-year-old werewolf with serious issues).

"I'm here," I manage to squeak out, against my better judgement. So not the type of voice I was hoping to use when I finally confront him. Not that that's what I'm doing. A showdown in the library! As if.

He suddenly bobs into view, looking sheepish, hands in the pockets of his jeans. He somehow gives the appearance of someone who is leaning casually, though he's doing no such thing. His hair is neat and elegant once more. Mine is still messy, a lasting reminder of his hands running through it. I wonder if he's thinking about our kiss too. Despite my extreme annoyance with him and the fact he hurt me badly (and reduced me to a library dwelling hermit), my heart doesn't seem to want to listen to my mind and flips over on its own accord at the sight of him.

"There you are. Can I sit down?"

I shrug in reply. Is it just me or does he sound equally nervous? I can tell he's trying to keep his voice even, but it's a bit too high to be natural. I guess that's a good thing, that he's no longer pretending nothing has happened between us. Unless he's trying to gather the courage to request I switch rooms or something...

Oh God! Why did I have to think that?

I seize a book from the table and use it to cover my face. The words could be printed in some ancient goblin language for all the sense they are making to me. I hear the chair opposite me scrape back.

"Remus..." His voice is so soft. A sad, apologetic note running through it. A shiver runs down my spine as I remember the last time he said my name so intensely. Give me strength, how can I possibly stay mad at him?

"What?" It comes out far too sharply in an attempt to ignore these conflicting emotions. I bet he jumped. He sounds a little hurt when he replies.

"Well, I'm just here to say - Remus I wanted to..." He sounds like he's suffering from some inner turmoil himself. "Oh for goodness sake, stop hiding for a minute will you?"

He sounds exasperated.

"I'm not hiding!" I cry indignantly from behind my book.

"Oh really?" I know that dangerously, overconfident drawl of his. Before I can prepare myself, the book goes flying out of my hands, lying neatly in front of him. He grins lazily, one eyebrow raised and wriggles in his chair triumphantly (putting his wand away I suspect), "You're right. Now you're not!"

"Give that back." I protest weakly, as I know he won't, "I was studying that!"

"No you weren't." He replies calmly. "Now lets get a few things out in the open shall we Mr Moony?" He sounds confident, but still a bit nervy. I hold my breath, waiting for angry accusations or desperate excuses. But as it turns out, nothing can prepare me for what he says next in such a gabbling rush.

"I like you Remus. I mean _**really** _like you. It's ever since I had this dream about you. Well, maybe even before that..." He seems to consider his next words whilst I am left reeling in shock._ Did he really just say that?_

He finally continues, "But the point is... its just lust Rem. Just lust. I'm sorry." My face falls when before I was soaring amongst the stars. Appropriate considering his name and all (why can't I cease these wandering thoughts and concentrate?).

"Whaa?" A strangled noise is all I can make.

He touches my hand, looking concerned.

"I sensed you maybe...well, maybe felt something more than that for me and well...I'm sorry. Sorry I took advantage or led you on or whatever..." He repeats lamely, eyes beseeching.

"Please say something."

If I was struggling to string a coherent sentence together before now…what do I say? My mind flashes through three separate responses to Sirius's confession.

**Number 1:** Deny everything and tell him to get the hell away from me. You big pervert.

**Number 2:** Break down into hysterical tears and tell him lust's not good enough. That he's my soul mate and then fiercely cling to his leg as he backs away in disgust and horror. Or finally...

**Number 3:** Make the most of a bad situation. And only half deny it.

Guess which one I chose?

"No Sirius. I don't feel anything more than lust as you so charmingly put it." I hate saying it, in such a forced, callous manner. Lust. Such a horrible, insignificant word for what I feel. But it's the only way.

"Uh hum, really?" He sounds very surprised like he's choking on his own spit or something (classy). But he doesn't snatch his hand away. It was almost worth saying it just to see his cartoon reaction. He was expecting one of the other options, I bet. Shy little Moony, denying all. Or Soap Opera Moony, desperately in love with him. Just how big is his ego exactly? I do love him, but that's beside the point...

He strokes his thumb against the back of my hand suggestively, lighter than air. He's already readjusting to this unexpected situation, I see. My cheeks grow hotter. I stare at his tanned hand on mine, not daring to look into those silvery eyes. I don't even need too. I know what look he'll be wearing. The one that can only be described as predatory.

"I love how you sometimes blush like that…around me," he whispers. His voice is so seductive, I find I have to look up - amber meets silver, "It's so adorable..." he continues, smiling slightly.

I forget where we are, and with Sirius's hand on mine, I find a new bout of confidence. Enough to ask sweetly, "You're a tease, Sirius Black, did you know that?"

He leans closer. Whether it's to reply cheekily, or even kiss me, I will never know.

"THAT'S IT, GET OUT! You're definitely up to something if you're here with Black! NOW GET OUT!"

You may have been able to tell that Madam Pince had returned. Sirius and I leapt up and - hand still linked - rushed out of the library, both giggling helplessly.

When did this become my life, I ask you?

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**Hope you're enjoying.**

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	8. Carpe diem

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Cheers for being so encouraging. You guys have some great suggestions :-)

Reviews make me h-a-p-p-y!

Disclaimer: Belongs to J K Rowling. Naturally.

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Well this is somewhat unexpected.

We race through the courtyard, still in a fit of giggles whilst his little speech echoes through the back of my mind. As does my reply. I can't believe I said that. It was as if some random stranger took control of my mouth, forcing me to say those things I didn't mean. But right now, I cannot allow myself to think about that. Because what else matters really, when I am here, hand in hand with the Sirius Black?

Nothing. That's what.

I don't know where he's dragging me, but we sure are getting some strange looks from those few students who are enjoying their Saturday as they lounge around, chatting in a carefree manner.

"What are they doing?"

"'Aint they the Marauders?"

"That's Sirius Black."

"Oh. He's gorgeous!"

"Are they - are they holding_ hands_?!"

Before I can consider the consequences of such gossip (which spreads like wildfire in this place), I find myself suddenly immersed in shade. A door slams and the sluggish part of my brain that is still functioning tells me we have somehow managed to arrive in a small classroom. Not one that I am accustomed to, but mercifully private at least.

It's dimly lit in here, but there's no mistaking the gleam in Sirius' eyes. He lets go of my hand to playfully nudge me into to blackboard behind me. Not a particularly romantic gesture, but a huge improvement from our wrestling match in the dormitory before. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm enjoying this none the less.

"Are you going to tell me why you just kidnapped and shoved me into an empty classroom, Mr Padfoot?"

My voice shakes a little. A mixture of nerves and anticipation.

"Well I would think that's obvious Mr Moony. You said so yourself," then his hands are on my shoulders, he moves so swiftly that I wonder if I'm dreaming, "I'm a tease."

Suddenly his lips are on mine once more. Far gentler this time, yet playful. It feels too good to be true.

__

Maybe it isn't real. Maybe it's a dream. Or a prank! Yes, that's it, and Professor McGonagall's going to pop up any minute and hex me into next week...

Then a completely different part of my brain kicks in.

__

Shut up you moron! He's kissing you!

I try to respond as eagerly as he is. I assume he's either suffering from sensory overload from kissing a boy, or maybe he is always this passionate. Either way, his lips on mine manage to send shivers down my spine. I sound like some sappy romance novel, but it's the only way I can describe the electrifying sensation accurately. His hands trace my chest gently as he nips my bottom lip. I weave my arms around his shoulders and kiss him harder and the wolf inside howls with approval. He grinds against my hips, creating searing heat with the contact. The feeling is driving me crazy...

Before I can allow my own hands to explore his body thoroughly, he pulls away. At least he's smiling this time.

"Bloody hell Moony, where'd you learn to kiss like that?" He laughs a little, hand running through his hair. A nervous trait he shares with James.

I laugh and respond without thinking, "I was just trying to keep up with you!"

He beams at me and then leans his head against mine with a sigh, "Do you think we've gone mad Rem?"

I think he's only joking (thankfully) but it's hard to concentrate with him in such close range. I smile, "I think so. Then again, it's hard to tell the difference with you!"

"Oy!" He playfully punches me in the arm and (regretfully) moves away to sit on a nearby desk. I think he wants some space but instead he pats the desk beside him.

"Come sit. I don't bite!" He looks like he regrets saying that and grins guiltily when I instinctively touch my swollen, bottom lip as I sit down, "Well maybe a little!"

"Really?" I reply sarcastically, still grinning like a fool, "Well I - haaa..."

I know for a fact I was going to add something really, really witty, but it died in my throat as soon as Sirius rested his head on my shoulder and placed his hand on my thy. Evil genius. I can literally feel him smiling! Making me speechless was just the effect he wanted. Sweet Merlin, now he's starting to rub gently...

"Pads!" I slap his hand away and pretend to be outraged, "you are so forward!"

The real reason I needed to stop him was that something inside of me was starting to stir unpleasantly. Something - well someone - was telling me to completely ravage him. To claim him as my own. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, trying to force the animal within to calm down. After a few alarming minutes, I open them again and manage a reassuring smile. But Sirius isn't fooled. He peers intently at me.

"You okay?" He sounds so sweetly concerned for me. How could I not be?

"Fine." I reply honestly, before leaning on him too. And it's true. Moony aside, I haven't felt this happy in a long time. Even if it is a lie. He's concerned about me and he's kissed me again. Nothing can take that away. Even if it isn't real...

Isn't real! I suddenly remember something he mentioned in the library that had interested me greatly.

"_Ever since I had this dream about you..."_

"You had a dream about me?" It escapes my mouth without warning (that's been happening a lot recently).

"Aha! Now you want to know, my curious little friend!" He looks adorably triumphant, grinning evilly, "Thought you'd forgotten during your shell shocked moment!"

"No it's just..." Why am I starting to feel panicky? Oh yes, I have blabbermouth syndrome today, that's why, "It's funny is all. I had a dream about you too!" That won't inflate his ego at all...

"Oooh really?" He suddenly sounds like he's concussed again. "Was I any good?"

"Pads!" He's standing up now, hands on hips, playing the dynamic hero (whilst managing to look more like the fool!). I try not to laugh because I cannot let him distract me from my point.

"When did you have your dream then?"

He looks at me, eyebrows raised. I guess it is a weird question to ask him. He'd probably expect me to beg him for more details (ego!).

"Er...last night actually. Does it matter?" He asks with a shrug, a smile quirking at the corners of his mouth, "Wouldn't you much rather know about how I traced your scars and brushed your hair back like this -"

"Oh my God!" His words and actions make me feel like I've swallowed a large rock as I dodge out of his reach, now on my feet too, and feeling very worried. The way he touched my hair... it's too familar to be coincidental.

"Hey! Just cut me off when I'm being flirtatious with you then! That's -

"It can't be!"

- never happened to me before Rem, and I don't care for it at all!"

"SHUT UP SIRIUS!" Now I have his attention, I realise how insane this is going to sound. But then again, in a world of ghosts and magic, anything's possible, "I-think-we-had-the-same-dream!" I blurt out in a rush.

Naturally, there's a stunned silence as he deciphers my meaning. Soon followed by _someone's _bark-like laugh.

"Mad you are!"

"Sirius..." How can I get confirmation of my theory without dying of embarrassment? "Think about it! We both get that potion knocked all over us then had that dream on the same night!"

"So? That proves we were both lusting after each other. Big deal!" I wince. There's that word again.

"Sirius…" It is with great apprehension that I force myself to say this. But I have to know, "Was there - was there any talking in this dream of yours?"

He blinks in surprise, "Kinky Remus!" I give him a death glare, "Okay, okay..." His face screws up in concentration. Then surprisingly, when he replies it is in a mumble, looking at his feet (is that what embarrassment looks like on Sirius?), "I think I may have called you…"

"Beautiful?" I whisper from him.

We both look at each other in horror. Well mine's a look of horror, his is more a combination of horror and amusement.

"Oh my!"

* * *

"Dream stealer!" I shriek, pointing an accusing finger at Remus.

I mean, it's not as I'm ashamed of him seeing naked dream-me, it's just...some things are private, you know? Poor Remus, he needs his privacy more than I do, what with being an only child and a werewolf... This is just plain weird though. No wonder it felt so real!

"It's not just _my_ imagination Siri!"

Bless him; he looks so embarrassed, red to his roots. I want to hug him, just to take his mortification away.

"Stop laughing Sirius!" He shouts at me, starting to pace.

"It is kind of funny though!" I splutter.

"No it's not! That potion could've been dangerous or…" He trails off. Or maybe I've just stopped listening as I tend to do when he goes into babble over-drive.

Hang on, it's the _potion_...

"D'you think this thing, between us, is all down to that potion then?" I ask suddenly.

He quits pacing and looks up at me, eyes wide and filled with something... Hurt? No way. Can't be.

"I don't think it works like that," He mumbles, "Snape some over him too..."

"Yeah, you're right!" I cry, "And if he starts making cameo appearances in my dreams, I'll kill myself!"

At least that manages to entice a smile from him (though it mentally scars me!). And so we spend the rest of the remaining evening in that room, discussing what we should do as the dim light from the narrow window changes from a golden streak into a pink haze. Sunset.

"We talk to Slughorn? Find an antidote?" I suggest. There's that look again, "It's not that I mind dreaming of you Moony - quite the contrary! It's just, you know, a little embarrassing. And a violation of our privacy too." I add quickly, trying to make Remus stop looking like I've kicked him.

He still looks a little down, refusing to make eye contact.

"And besides, if I'm gonna violate you, I'd much rather it be in reality!"

I couldn't resist! That got him looking up, all alarmed but smiling nervously.

"We don't know if it was just a one-off yet Siri…It's impressive though, connecting our subconscious, sleeping minds via an incomplete, magical solution and emotional link." He starts mumbling in a similar scientific vane for a while. I think I catch the words 'very advanced magic'.

"Emotional link?" I enquire.

For some reason he blushes, "I'm in...I mean we're best friends."

"Right..." I still don't get it, but never mind. I doubt I ever will. It's just I swear that wasn't what he was going to say.

I shrug, "Well, there's only one way to tell if it was a one-off or not. Bed, now!" I command while he looks stunned. "Not like that!"

And so we return to Gryffindor tower. Arguing over who would be the one to explain our situation to Old Sluggy, if we need to. I think he should, as it would be more amusing to watch...

I guess we really did lose track of time. The halls are nearly deserted and when we get to the portrait hole, The Fat Lady glares at us sleepily.

"Well then? Don't keep me waiting all night!"

"Why so narky my dear? You love us really!" I reply cheekily. The glare intensifies.

"Flying Fwoopers." Says Remus calmly, shaking his head at me.

"Humph!"

The common room is completely empty as we walk through it in silence. I'm deep in thought for once (it happens occasionally!). I really don't know what's happening in this relationship of Remus and mine (despite the fact that I'm the one who keeps changing it).

But magically influenced or not, I'm enjoying it immensely!

I stop him before he can get to the dorm stairs and place a chaste kiss on his lips without hesitation.

"I'll see you in my dreams then, Mr Moony," I whisper. "Or not."

* * *

**I'll admit, I'm not very proud of this chapter.**

**Reviews make me grin like the Cheshire cat though!**


	9. Consequences

**I'm writing for those wonderful few who are still reading. hehe...**

**I've been having some computer problems, it's so frustrating. Really sorry for the wait.**

**Disclaimer: J.K Rowling owns all - except the plot.**

**--**

Nope - so not just a one off then.

_Harder and rougher... he pins me down, smiling that gorgeous smile of his._

"Missed me?"

I smile in reply, shaking my head playfully. I manage to choke out an 'as if!', but fail to sound convincing. He smiles more broadly.

"God, I love ya Rem." He says and again I wish I could believe him. I want it to be true. I also want to reply but words seem to fail me at the sight of him. All I can to is cling to him as our bodies arch together. He is my anchor to this world. This world that means so much to me. Much more than the real one...

He kisses my neck and I writhe against him. We connect and I'm left gasping...

And moaning his name his name...

"Sirius..."

He looks concerned.

_"We have to wake up."_

__

"No I want to stay here..."

"Rem we have to-"

"GET UP!"

I lurch into consciousness in a blind panic, hands flailing before realising it wasn't real. It never is.

I lie in my own bed with Peter hovering near me with an expression of extreme panic on his face. I realise I'm clutching at his wrists and release them immediately.

"Finally! He's up James." Says Peter, massaging his wrists, looking pained. My vice-like grip has left red rings around them.

"S-sorry Pete," I mumble, shaking my head whilst worrying profusely. I hope that I didn't talk in my sleep. Please say I didn't talk in my sleep!

"Thank Merlin! So's Padfoot." James's voice interrupts my woozy train of thoughts as I risk a glimpse at Sirius.

James is sat on Sirius' bed - no he's not, he's actually sat on the stirring lump that is Sirius! I am alarmed to see the dorm room flooded with light, and both Peter and James, fully dressed (as in not wearing pyjamas, not wondering around naked. We never do that I swear).

A head concealed beneath a tangle of black hair emerges.

"Argh! You can get off me now you berk!" Sirius says with a yawn, as he pushes a giggling James off, shaking his hair away, "Didn't ask for a wake up call..." he grumbles.

"I know you didn't. It's nearly twelve o' clock you lazy mutt! But I'm such a humanitarian that I'm not gonna let you starve. Come on, lunch is up!" He shouts before throwing a shirt at the half naked Sirius.

"Yeah, I'll meet you guys down there." Says Peter, muttering about saving seats. I can't help but notice he gives me a wary look as he makes his escape. I smile guiltily at him, which only makes him walk faster. I guess he didn't like me grabbing him so much.

"I expect these lie-ins from you Padfoot, but Remus?" James rounds on me, feigning mock horror, "I'm ashamed!"

I push my hair out of my face and force a laugh but inside, I'm concerned. He's right, this isn't like me at all.

"I know it's tragic isn't it?" I reply instead, shooting Sirius a look that I hope says; _Did you dream too?_

He pauses getting dressed before giving me the slightest nervous nod. And a wink.

This is bad.

"What happened to you two last night anyway? I guess you made up."

I risk a glance at Sirius. How can he look so composed? I notice his smirk, but all I know is I'm not budging from this bed until the others are gone.

"Oh we sure did all right!"

James looks at him in mild interest now perched on the edge of Sirius' bed, "What's that supposed to mean?"

I open my mouth in agony, unable to say anything plausible (or understandable for that matter!). This mattress can swallow me right now if it likes...

"We just had some fun..." James raises his eyebrows, "You know, went down to the kitchens, swiped some butterbeer and celebrated our renewed friendship in style!"

How can he possibly sound so truthful? I am in awe.

James pauses. It's as if all the air has been sucked out of the room as I wait for him to reply.

"Fair enough." He sounds a little wounded though he's smiling.

"Aw don't be sad Prongsy," Says the fully clothed Sirius as he throws his arm around James (who shudders at his latest nickname), "You know we love ya too. You're the reason we're friends again isn't that right Moony?"

I could kill him I swear. He's grinning all suggestively at me like it's some big joke.

Friend. Just friends.

Yesterday's events replay through my mind. So complicated, especially after last night's dream. I really don't know what's real anymore. Both worlds blur together until I'm left with an overwhelming urge to finish what we started in our heads. Is it my dream or his? Mine seems more likely. But then again...

"Earth to Moony!"

"What?" I respond, feeling flustered. To my alarm, a pair of grey eyes are alarmingly close to mine.

"Prongs wanted to know if your coming down to the hall with us?" He asks as innocently as possible, though that wicked gleam is still there.

"Actually, I wanted to speak to you first Sirius. Alone." I reply firmly, refusing to smile back.

"Yeah, yeah later." He replies, moving away from me at a surprising speed.

I can't believe he's dismissing me like this. It's so typical of him.

I watch him and James leave the room, arms around each other's shoulders and I feel a stab of envy. We used to be like that, so carefree and straight forward (at least as far as he knew anyway). I silently fume from my bed. Why must he be so confusing? He kissed me (a lot). He flirts with me (again, a lot). Then he runs away. What did he think I wanted him to stay here for anyway? Round three? I'm not taking this anymore.

I'm not unintelligent. I'm not unsociable. But if there's one thing that puzzles me, it's Sirius Black.

* * *

"Sirius Black?" I hear this little chipmunk of a voice twitter from behind me as I prepare to stuff my face with a nice ham sandwich (I've gone off of jam for some reason).

This little first year girl is standing there, blushing to her roots, a nervous smile on her freckled face.

"Yeah that's me. You alright?" I said gently with a smile. Hey, I felt bad for her. I guess I can be pretty intimidating (to all sexes it would seem). Might as well see what she's got to say.

Her eyes go wide and she looks taken aback at my question (I can't help but feel a little irritated. I am a nice guy really), "Ummm I'm alright. Yeah! Note for you." She stammers before throwing this small roll of parchment at me and practically running away to a gaggle of her pals before I can even ask who it's from (I assume they're her friends seeing as they're all giggling and demanding a blow by blow account of what just happened from her. Giggling should be illegal I swear...).

I shake my head and look at my fellow marauders (plus Lily and her friend Alice for some reason) who are all looking rather bemused.

"Don't say anything." I hiss, fingering the red wax seal on my note.

"I think you got an admirer there Padfoot." Laughs James, ignoring my threat as usual (must get better ones for him).

"Think I got several." I reply wryly with a frown. I'm not being vain, just stating a fact. Lily snorts disapprovingly but it barley registers as I stare at my scroll. Remus wouldn't dare send me a letter would he? Anyone could've intercepted it, especially Snape. He keeps giving me this death glare from across the room. Bet he practices it in the mirror (but notice how he won't confront me? Ha!).

I know it was wrong of me to ignore Remus like that earlier, but to be honest I was just a little bit... Well, frightened.

Okay maybe that's an exaggeration. I don't get frightened. Even when my wacky cousin Bellatrix locked me in a cupboard with what she said was a boggart this one time (and it turned out to be some old dress robes). I wasn't even scared then. But I have to admit, this morning was rather worrying. I kept trying to wake up and I couldn't. It was like half of me wanted to get up, and the other half would have willingly stayed in Remus' dream arms forever. Like I wouldn't let myself get up and live. Whenever the first half of me would begin to win, Remus would pull me back.

I think this potion thing is getting dangerous.

"Gonna open it then?" I'm startled out of my intense thoughts as I look into Peter's blue eyes, "Or not... Your call!" He adds hastily, holding his hands up.

"Bet it's from Slughorn," Says James confidently, "For your detention."

But there's no trademark, emerald seal. It's going to be from Remus.

It's not from Remus.

"No way!"

__

**Dear Mr Black,**

**After Friday's unfortunate events, I have to inform you that you must attend anger management sessions every Monday afternoon during your free period in my office. This will be necessary to ensure that you do not repeat your uncouth - or more fittingly, caveman - actions.**

**Surprisingly, you will not receive detentions. Because knowing you, this will be punishment enough.**

**Yours sincerely,**

**Professor McGonagall.**

It takes a little while for me to realise that my mouth is hanging wide open. Only when I hear James remark "Sirius, you're gonna catch flies mate!" do I bother to shut it and glare at him. He was reading over my shoulder the entire time, and boy does he look amused.

Something's gotta give!

* * *

**Tell me, what torture should I have in store for dear Sirius??**

* * *


	10. Padfoot's Punishment!

**As always, thanks for your kind (and often very funny!) reviews.**

**Disclaimer: Belongs to the legend that is J K Rowling of course. Except for one ridiculous OC...**

**--**

"I think we'll end up getting along very well Sirius - if I can call you that."

I look up and give her a very tired look, voice tinged with mild sarcasm, "Oh I adore you already."

She smiles broadly in an oblivious manner.

Anger management. How did it come to this? I'll tell you how, it's my bloody parents. They've driven me doolally. Or I'm sure that's what the delightful Professor Candidus Umbridge will decide anyway. What she's a professor of I have no idea. So far my anger management session has been strange to say the least...

Remus practically rolled on the floor with laughter when he found out about my sessions. Well, not literally, because that would be so un-Remus of him - but you could tell he wanted to. He sort raised his eyebrows at me, spluttered a couple of times, before saying;

"Well, I won't disagree with McGonagall there, you need it!"

It was then that I felt the need to remind him that I was trying to defend his honour in the first place (much to our eavesdroppers amusement - a_ww what a sweet couple! - _if only they knew).

To which he replied, "You're the only one who's corrupting it remember, Mr Padfoot?"

That's exactly how he said it I swear! In the middle of common room - in front of everyone! James, Peter, Lily, Alice, Frank (tall guy who is totally into Alice) and a whole bunch of other respectable Gryfindors - who all laughed in appreciative glee.

And that was when I legged it away from him pronto. It's not like I'm some Frigid Bridget (why thank you!) or anything. But it sort of alarmed me to see him flirt so openly with me. He kept doing that a lot last Sunday. I think it's my punishment for ignoring him. That dude is one evil genius when he wants to be. He's giving me a run for my money I tell ya... It just freaks me out, to not be the one in control of things (I regained control later though!).

Then there's the matter of those good night kisses we shared...

And yet another dream.

James practically dragged me by the ankle all the way to DADA in the morning. Seriously. If I hadn't woken up before he dragged me down the dorm stairs, I'd have sat in the lesson in my PJs. Well technically the staircase was what woke me up. Those stairs hurt your head.

He can be so cruel!

At least I didn't get a jug of water in the face - like dear Remus did. Actually, that may have been preferable.

Anyway, you'll never guess what the first thing old Candidus said to me was as she shook my hand (I just can't bring myself to call a middle aged, greying Professor Candi as she asked. It's just not right).

"I don't want you to think of me as a psychologist (whatever that is - I thought). Rather ... think of me as your toothbrush."

Yep, no '_'Hi my name is bla bla...''_ (though old McGonagall did tell me before I went in to her office - with a hasty ''Good luck Black'' - which I now fully understand).

No: _''Tell me about your childhood, you poor handsome young man._''

Not even a _''This is what we're going to do today buddy."_

Nope. I get a crazy toothbrush lady - yippee!

While I dropped her hand sharpish and stood there looking gormless, trying to work out if she really just said that, she ushered me into a seat and continued her mad toothbrush theory.

"You see, I can be good for you Sirius. I can help you to smile brightly, even at your worst enemies. Or you could just ignore me and gross everyone out and push people away from you. Choice is yours."

I've either spent way to much time with my dear old mum, or that made perfect sense in it's own wacky way. That's what I thought of at the time anyway. But obviously I wasn't going to admit that. So there was only one logical reply.

"Umm…do I have to stick with the toothbrush analogy?"

To my surprise, she smiled in this subdued kind of way as she slowly sank into McGonagall's chair.

"Please sit down."

So I did. It was then that she made formal introductions, even offering me tea and pouring it the muggle way. I tried to guess her age, but it's pretty hard. Her short, black bob had streaks of silver here and there. She didn't have many wrinkles, but just enough to tell me she was probably old and wise enough to not be charmed into letting me go early. I asked McGonagall how long she'd keep me here. Her exact words were "as long as it takes" which sounded a little ominous. I'm afraid that if they want me to kiss and make up with Snivellus, they're in for a long wait.

Candida was wearing a yucky pink fluffy cardigan that made her look way older than she really is (I bet). I stared at it during our moment of silence as she riffled through her papers. It was then that her big, hazel eyes connected with mine and I looked away. I'm never shy, but I know she was analysing me as much as I was her. Well, that and I didn't want her to think I was staring at her chest (ack! Honestly, it was the cardi that drew my gaze people!).

"You admiring my cardigan?"

Her voice is quite sharp. What am I supposed to say to that?

"Um it's really very nice."

She made a little tutting noise and gave me that smile again that made her look much friendlier. Now I think of it, it's more of a knowing grin. I like it.

"Liar!" That got me flustered. Even I know it's not a good idea to anger your - what is it? Psychologist?

But then she said, "Don't worry, I hate it too. It was a present from my sister. We couldn't be more different..." A shadow flickers across her face, "I only wear mine to be polite though!" The shadow disappeared. Looks like I'm not the only one with family issues...

"I don't mean to be rude..." Don't roll your eyes at me! I really was trying. Didn't call her tooth brush lady did I? "But what the heck am I dong here?"

"Aw, and you were doing so well with the politeness!" At least she smiled though, "You're just here so we can have a little chat. And while you're here, I can teach you to use some techniques to calm yourself down should you be confronted with your Mortal Enemy..." She looks through her notes, "- Severus Snape!"

That was how she said it and all. All exaggerated, like it was capitalised or something. Mortal Enemy indeed!

"Ummm Ma'am? Shouldn't you be encouraging me to make up with Sniv - I mean Severus?" I can already see our sessions are destined to be known as the land of confusion.

"Well, obviously that would be great but we're both grown ups here and I think we can safely admit that that will only happen when hell freezes over." She grinned wickedly, "Or if I get a little Imperious happy!"

PSYCHO!

She laughed at my expression, "Just kidding!"

It was then that I grinned back with a roll of my eyes, relishing her sharp tongue.

"Now, tell me about you!"

"What do you wanna know?" I shot back, lolling in my chair.

"What's the history between you and this boy..." My heart skips a beat, "Severus?"

I knew she was going to say that. I didn't think she's say Remus at all. Honest.

"Gotta couple of hours?" I wasn't deliberately trying to be cheeky. Just the subject of Snape bores me.

"Yes."

"I was joking."

"I wasn't."

We stare each other out and once again I was torn between liking and despising her. What a wack job! There's no way I was going to confess all to her. Me and dear Snivellus have disliked each other since we first met on the train all those years ago. It didn't turn into pure hatred until I played a stupid prank on him that involved Moony when he Snape tried to get Remus in trouble. Obviously I can't tell her about Rem. She's just gonna have to live with the disappointment.

It always comes back to Remus doesn't it?

"Too bad." I say with a shrug.

"You don't feel like talking?" I tense. She isn't going to crucio me or something?! "That's fine, we'll just skip the niceties and jump straight in with some anger management techniques - yes?"

I hesitated before nodding. Various images of me duelling Snape, brushing my teeth ferociously and us doing some weird breathing methods flashed through my head. What did she have in mind exactly?

Before I could voice that question, she whipped out her wand and conjured a large, body shaped sack that dangled upside down from a thick chain above her desk. I jumped about a mile.

"You ARE a psycho!" I yelped.

She laughed, "It's just a dummy Sirius!"

I thought that was beside the point. A little warning would have been appreciated in times like these.

"Now, this is an exercise to get you talking and to vent some of those pent up emotions." I raised an eyebrow at her, "It doesn't take a genius like me to see something is troubling you. Your body language is practically screaming out at me."

FREAK! Instead of rightly screaming that at her, I leaped up to look in the glass cabinet behind her, to check my reflection.

"What do you mean? Is it my hair? I have pensive hair? Or is it my eyes? I haven't been sleeping much lately..." (at least it feels like I haven't!).

She smiles serenely, "No Sirius. You look great, as I'm sure you know." Who's she been talking to here? "I can just sense these things."

I shook my head, deciding there and then that I would never understand her.

Especially after what she said next.

"Now I want you to jinx the dummy. Really let rip! But there's one snag...I want you to yell about something you're angry about each time you do. I take it you've mastered non-verbal spells by now? Being top of the class and all...Don't worry, this room has a silencing spell upon it, I could even leave the room if you like."

Bonkers. Barmy. I observed her with a lop sided smile, trying to think of how I could get some help for this poor lady.

"I know you probably think I'm crazy," Bingo! "You can decline if you like, but it helps. It really helps. It's enchanted to help."

I didn't like the sound of that. What would it get me saying? That I'm mad at myself for being such a bitch to Remus? Or maybe that I'm angry at old McGonagall for sending me here in the first place? Or much worse...

"I promise what is said in this room stays in this room. Go on, really make that dummy blow!"

I sighed, "Could be a laugh..."

"It won't be." She said seriously as she moved some furniture aside.

That made me even more curious though. I like things that are bad for me. So I did it.

"Fine then."

Yes I know that makes me equally mad as her, but boy did that dummy get some issues out in the open.

I started off very apprehensively. Trying not to laugh, I drew my wand and cleared my throat.

"Umm... I'm mad that my hair sometimes doesn't stay all neat!" I giggled, sending a neat little stunning spell that sent Mr Dummy swinging.

"Again!" She called out from the side lines.

Feeling extremely stupid, I prepared to cast a second spell.

"I'm mad that Snape is such a git to Remus... And that he never uses shampoo!"

It swung more violently after I sent a jet of red light at it.

"I'm mad that people treat me like I'm some dumb pretty boy."

Ooops. See? That was a little more personal then I meant to say. I was aiming for a "I'm mad that I'm so damn handsome. It's not fair on everyone else!" (kidding...). But at that point, her bizarre therapy was starting to feel kind of good. So for once, I let my guard down a little. I could feel the power of the dummy drawing it out of me.

"I'm fed up of _acting_ like a dumb pretty boy."

Flash!

"I'm tired of acting out to get people's approval."

Flash

"Just because I could never get it from my damn parents."

Before I could even take aim, the dummy exploded.

I stood there panting, feeling like a real maniac. How could I open up so much? To a virtual stranger.

There was a moment of silence.

"Sorry bout your dummy." I mumbled, needing something to say. Anything (and we were both covered in some kind of straw - so it felt appropriate).

"That's quite alright." She looked slightly guilty, "I'm sorry if that upset you at all."

I said nothing, feeling slightly down but too stunned to care.

"You see, a wizard such as yourself should never keep things bottled up." She said kindly, "It's bad enough when muggles do that - bless 'em - but it's even worse for magical beings. It can lead to manifestations or accidental magic that can be harmful to yourself and others." She gestured at the dummy remains. "Or can result in your basic violence of course."

She cast a quick clean up spell, and arranged the furniture back into it's usual positions and patted me on the back. I hung my head slightly, processing it all.

"You can go now if you like. But I'll see you same time next week?" She smiled, "Go eat some chocolate or talk to your friends. It's not all bad Sirius!"

"Yeah, well thanks," I said feeling spaced out.

__

Yes, thanks for making me feel even worse...

"Oh and Sirius" She said, stopping me before I could make my escape, "I just want you to know, you never need anyone's approval but your own."

She smiled all warmly and I suddenly thought that maybe she wasn't so bad after all.

Well, until she added.

"See you next time. I'll tell you a bit about myself - it's only fair. And I wanna hear all about this Remus! "

Eep!

* * *

I'm not lurking. Just standing here. Outside of McGonagall's office. Where coincidentally, Sirius is currently in.

Yes, I said coincidentally.

I decide getting a stalker reputation isn't worth the wait, but as soon as I start to scurry away from the door, a voice calls out from behind me.

"Remus?"

I sigh and turn, "Hello Sirius."

"Waiting for me?" He asks with that little smile.

"Nope." I insist, "I happen to be a prefect who's just happens to be doing his duties."

He raises his eyes sceptically, "At four o'clock on a Monday?"

"Sure. It's a thing I do."

"Riiiiight," He turns and starts to walk away, but not before calling back "Guess you don't wanna know how it went..."

I jog to catch up with him, "Please just tell me...you do have to hug Snape right?"

His mouth hangs open before he laughs, "You're so weird Remus - and of course I don't have to - eugh!" Then he added more quietly, "I gotta admit, I thought that was the last thing you'd ask me about..."

We both freeze in the hallway. He's joking, with his usual Sirius smile, but there's something wrong. Like its all a mask. Something I know all about.

"Are you alright?"

"Fine." He replies, voice sounding flat, "Come on Rem, that's not what you want to know."

I sigh, "Did you tell him about the dream?" No use hedging around the topic after all.

"Her. And no I didn't."

He carries on walking, voice suddenly icy.

"Don't you think we should?" I say, grabbing his arm, "I mean I'm not sure if you noticed, but they're seriously cutting into my sleeping hours. And my awake time too."

I do not make eye contact with him now, hating how I sound so devoid of emotion. But if I let them show, or take in those intensely grey eyes, or see those oh-so appealing, lips I know I'll crumple.

"Nah...they'll wear off eventually."

That was all he said before stalking off once more. I don't know what's up with him, but it seems his anger management is doing more harm than good. I know I joked earlier about it with him, but I know him. He hates strangers prying. I don't know if I should follow him. All I know is this cool attitude hurts.

"Pads?" Something inside of me snaps as he ignores me, "What about us? Did you tell her about us?"

Okay, that was insane. But I'm fed up of him blowing hot and cold with me. It's not fair. I know he doesn't know how I feel, how he makes me feel - but it's still cruel of him.

Maybe I deserve this tempestuous treatment. I signed up for it after all, when I lied. When I said all I felt for him was lust. Now I'm stuck in this 'friends with benefits' rut and it's horrible. Painful too - being with him but not really having him.

Right now, he turns and looks at me as if I'm mental.

In seemingly one quick action, he swoops up to me and pushes me into another classroom whilst muttering, "You crazy? Keep your voice down!"

He doesn't sound mad, just cold still. I don't know which is worse.

He doesn't kiss me like last time, or even touch me longer than is necessary (to bundle me into this room).

"Are you really so ashamed of me that you resort to kidnap again?" I meant to lighten the mood because I hate the way he's looking at me - so blankly, like he's thinking of upsetting things. Whether they are of me, I do not know, I just wish he'd let me in. I guess some of my misery seeps into my voice because his face softens considerably.

"I'm not ashamed Rem, just..." His eyes seem to cloud, searching for the right word, "a little spaced."

I'm not completely sure of what he means, but it seems to make sense for him as he manages a small smile.

"That woman really gave me stuff to think about. Messes with your head."

"What happened?"

"Why that would be private Mr Moony!" He smirks playfully, looking more like his normal self which is a relief. My expression falls at his dismissal though I doubt he'd notice.

He did.

"What's up my little wolf?" He wraps his arms around my shoulders - facing me, playing with the hairs on the back of my neck.

Suddenly it's much harder to remember what's wrong for some reason.

But sadly I must. He won't let me in. This is a lie. We're both using each other for our own needs (whatever the hell his may be) so nothing is right at all.

I shrug his hands away.

"This is what's confusing Sirius." He looks blank. "Us."

He blinks before recovering, "Why does it have to be? Can't we just sort of live for the moment?" He asks, leaning against a huge stack a books (we must be in Flitwick's class - I barely noticed). I understand what he means though. I wish it were that simple.

I take a deep breath, I can't believe I'm doing this. Goodbye Sirius. "I don't we can. Not anymore."

WHAT AM I DOING?? WHY?!

"Oh I - alright..." He looks confused, shocked and hurt? "Where's this coming from? You said this was okay." His eyes are blazing as he gestures between me and him.

Oh god. Please don't make this harder. "I know." SAY IT. "But it's not okay anymore. It's confusing and dangerous. These dreams aren't natural Padfoot. And maybe...maybe this is what it'll take to make them go away."

Of all the times I pictured this conversation, it was never me ending it.

He frowns, running a hand through his hair. _Those hands will never do that to my hair again_.

"Remus..."

It's all too much to bear. I choke out a hasty sorry and stagger out of there before I break.

* * *

**AN: I thought I'd run with JK Rowling's Latin themed names. Candidus means happy (as in she's happy to be free from a certain family!)**

**Can I have a review please?**

* * *


	11. Sirius Consequences

**Lovely, lovely reviewers - you rock! YEAH! I'm back on here - pc fully repaired!**

**Disclaimer: Still J.K Rowling's -last time I checked anyway.**

**--**

I'm feeling uneasy. Angry. Ashamed. Very uncomfortable, which is not something I'm used to - despite my horrible family. Sirius Black just doesn't do awkwardness. Even when I was sorted into Gryffindor and my Mother had groomed me for so many years, expecting me to be her perfect, pure-blood

ed Slytherin son - I still managed to fit in and find the best friends I will ever have. But this, this is all new to me.

Because I've just had the worst day of my life. I messed up big time now.

He won't talk to me now. Remus. I'm not the one who pulled the plug on our relationship but I get the silent treatment. This is so messed up.

And I thought understanding the minds of women was hard enough.

I tried talking to him straight after our mind boggling conversation, but at first I couldn't even find him. I ended up having to sink to the level of sneaking into the girl's bathroom to ask Moaning Myrtle if she knew where he was. Okay, that sounds stupid, but I wasn't thinking rationally. I wanted to make us alright, friends again. Because I've been through break ups, and I can't let that happen to me and Remus. I won't.

He was right. We were stupid to wreck our friendship like this.

Anyway, there was some sense in my crazed actions. Myrtle seems to know everyone's business (or so I hear) - gathering knowledge from a careful amount of spying, eavesdropping and of course, Peeping Tom-age. I guess you would do warped stuff like that if you were a ghost whose only company is a toilet. She seems to like Remus a lot though. She calls him That Nice Shy Boy Who Talks To Me Sometimes When I'm Haunting (AKA being a pervert in, as Remus told me!) The Prefects Bathroom.

Bless him (at least that's what I thought of him at the time). That's so Remus. I can just see him now, starting a book club with a hormonal, nervous wreck of a dead schoolgirl. Easing her loneliness I'm sure, or just trying to prevent one of her tantrums (whilst desperately sneaking away).

"Yes that's Remus." I replied as calmly as possible after hearing her state the above in a giggly way. It's hard to remain calm as I had to bellow like a bull to get her to appear in the first place, "And like I just said, have you seen him? I need to find him."

She hovered above me in the din of the murky bathroom, looking smug yet upset (as she always does), "Oh of course! Of course you only come and talk to boring old Myrtle when _you_ need something..." She finished her pitiful rant with a faint wail.

I wanted to say 'you said it!' but that look of smugness told me she'd seen him all right.

So through gritted teeth I replied, "Oh that's not true at all Myrtle my little ray of sunshine. You're not boring at all. And I'm sorry that you think that about me. I shall make the most effort to visit you in the future."

I may have sounded a bit sarcastic because her scowl deepened.

"I'm not stupid." She shrieked, "I know what you all think of me. Dull, ugly Moaning Myrtle..."

So faking. She loved the attention as she perched on the top of a stall and buried her face in her hands, sobbing hysterically.

Truthfully, it just made me want to yell 'damn right!' and run for cover. Until she added, "Except for that nice, shy boy Remus. He likes me. He just said so."

Swallowing down a scream of frustration I decided to be cool, "Well, he's smart then. And I like you too. Maybe the three of us could hang out some time. I know I'll come back more often if you just tell me where he is..."

I can't believe I was leaning against a toilet stall, using my most charming voice on Moaning Myrtle. Wake up!

"You don't mean that!" She whined, but I couldn't help but think she loved the attention (she'd be blushing if she had any blood - I bet).

"Why would I lie to you? You're obviously a very intelligent woman. And I'm sure that you would be kind enough to help me talk to my friend in privacy... And if you do, I see no reason why I shouldn't spend a little more time with you. It would be my pleasure!"

I thought I was laying it on a little bit too thick but she looked up, looking pleased with herself and incredibly hopeful. So hopeful, that I started to feel like maybe I should keep that promise anyway.

"Really? Would you really Sirius?"

"Of course." I said, wondering how she knew my name and why the heck was she batting her eyelashes at me from behind those thick specs.

She started to hover closer to me, smiling slyly as if she was getting ready to divulge the juiciest piece of gossip ever (even looking around to see if we were alone, for maximum effect).

"Well okay then...he's in the prefect's bathroom. Doesn't look to happy though. Asked me for some privacy though he's not even in the bath." She said that as if she thought it was a huge disappointment.

I stood there, processing what she said in silence. He looks unhappy? I don't want him to be sad.

"What are you still doing here? Password's Splish Splash!" Her haughty voice broke into my thoughts.

"Thanks Myrtle, I think I love you!" I joked before turning hastily away (she puckered her lips up I swear) and setting off to talk to Remus.

--

What a waste of time. Sucking up to Myrtle for nothing. It went so badly. Appallingly.

We've really screwed up now.

On my way to the bathroom, I kept thinking of all these things I wanted to say to him. All these repressed feelings (Candida would be so proud). But as soon as I saw him, I lost my nerve and train of thought.

I didn't think he was in there at first (that bathroom is big... and nice. The bath is practically a swimming pool, though I don't like the stain glass mermaid for some reason). But then he emerged from one of the stalls looking smaller for some reason. He caught sight of me and froze like a deer in the headlights.

"Hey Rem." I said weakly, trying to ignore the fact that his eyes were all red.

Pain. I never expected to feel that.

"Siri-" There was a pause, "-us. Why are you here?"

"Well I..." This should not have been this hard, "I wanted to know if you were okay."

I shoved my hands in my pockets and leaned against a stall, looking at my feet. Those eyes looked so sad and empty. My shoes were the preferable option.

His voice sounded husky and quiet for some reason, "How did you know I was here?"

"I just asked someone - that's all. I didn't charm or suck up to them I swear - **anyway** that doesn't really matter," Why have I become so stammery? "I just wanted to see if you're okay. Which is weird of me seeing as technically, you just dumped me but whatever..." I laugh nervously, trying to swallow the random lump in my throat "The point is are you okay?" Then I add quietly, "Are we gonna be okay?"

I finally look up at that point. He was observing me steadily. I don't even know what's behind those eyes anymore.

"For god's sake answer me Remus!" I explode making him jump. I immediately felt guilty.

"I don't know what to say." _You and me both bud. _"What would you like me to say?" He asks, voice-gaining volume, "Should I lie to you? Say we can erase these past few days, act like it never happened? Be the same as before? **Well we can't**." He shouted that last part storming up to me looking all menacing. That's something I would never, ever say about Remus. Unless it's a full moon. Why is he so mad at me?

"You dumped me!" I roar back, "So stop looking so damn sorry for yourself!"

"Grow up Sirius!" He shouts, "Why can't you ever see what's in front of you? Why are you so oblivious, so wrapped up in the fantastic world of Sirius Black?"

I was taken aback by his fury but I couldn't let it end there, "I'm wrapped up? You're like a bloody riddle. Hot and cold, or sulking about your furry little problem..."

He interrupts me by laughing harshly, "I'm so sorry my traumatic transformations are so inconvenient to you! And **I'm** hot and cold? All you do is mess my head up Sirius. You change like the wind and I don't know why. I know your parents screwed you up, but you've got to let someone in one day." He practically sobs that last bit, but those eyes are furious. It's all too much for me.

"You know what? Forget it! This friendship is clearly past saving anyway."

The mermaid stares at me in shock as I storm past and leave the bathroom.

I really don't like her.

--

What have I done? What have I said to him? Why?

__

"You know what? Forget it! This friendship is clearly past saving anyway."

I sit on the grubby floor in the middle of the prefect's bathroom arms folded, rocking in pain.

I hate myself for being so weak as tears trickle down my face.

I just couldn't stand it any longer. He kept making things so damn hard. I didn't want to give into him. Beg him to take me back as he leaned so appealingly against the stall, asking me if I was alright when it was me who finished things in the first place. So I got angry. Took it all out on him. Why couldn't he just love me? It's a wonder I didn't scream that at Sirius too, along with the spiteful family jibe. I'm disgusting.

This is where I remain. Until it's late, hiding in shame. He doesn't come back for me. No one does. I don't blame him. I don't blame any of them.

I only return to my dorm when it's extremely late and I'm sure they have all gone to bed. I refuse to glance in his direction as I collapse under my covers, fully dressed. I'm exhausted, emotionally and physically, thinking foreign thoughts as my world turns to black.

__

I carry your heart in mine...

* * *

"They're doing it again James." Sighs Peter as he tries to shake Remus into the land of the living.

It's half eight in the morning and I have better things to do then stand here bitch slapping my charming best friend Sirius into consciousness (like sitting beside the delectable Lily Evans at the breakfast table as she falls madly in love with me over the croissants - it'll happen!).

I push hair out of his face (which is icy) and give him a little shake, "I didn't even hear Remus come in, did you?"

"Nope." Grunts Pete, "They must be having a little tiff again... WAKE UP REMUS!" I hear a splash from behind - poor Moony.

"Come on Padfoot! Wakey wakey!" I yell, shaking harder.

"James?" Peter sounds scared, "The water didn't work..."

I turn around see he is indeed right. It is then that I start to panic.

I seize the nearest water jug and chuck it over Sirius. No reaction.

"SIRIUS!" Nothing. I shake him desperately.

"Padfoot? Sirius my man - wake up! Come on Sirius, get up! You've got to, Sirius please!"

* * *

**Tell me what you think!**


	12. Diagnosis

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to JK Rowling**

**As always, cheers for the reviews xx**

* * *

"As far as I can tell, they're both in a very deep state of sleep."

Madam Pomfrey's voice invades my thoughts as I stare at my two best friends lying in twin infirmary beds. It sure doesn't look like they're only sleeping. Their chests rise and fall reassuringly enough, but they're chalky white, and terrifyingly still.

"Are you sure?" I ask quietly through numb lips. I hear a little sigh from behind me and see Peter has sunk into a chair, looking withdrawn. Can't blame him. It was a nasty shock after all. Even I thought they were...

I guess we should be in class, but I can already safely say there's no way I'm leaving them. My best friend and my brother. More or less.

"Quite positive." Replies Pomfrey, tucking the covers around Remus's chin. I'd already forgotten what I asked her.

"I've never seen anything like this," States a craggy, Irish accent. But one that is strangely soothing. I turn and see McGonagall standing there with concern etched into her face. I'd forgotten she was there. I wish she wouldn't look like that.

"Me neither," Replies Pomfrey, giving Sirius the same treatment, "Those splotchy, red marks on their wrists are from the nightmare expelling potion, which is the only thing I can think of that may be effecting them like this." She sighs, "I didn't think it had the power to do this." She faces our transfiguration teacher, eyes looking apologetic.

That doesn't sound bloody reassuring at all.

It's only when I see the shocked faces around me that I realise I said that out loud.

"Perhaps you should sit down Mr Potter." The Professor doesn't sound angry, just concerned.

I choose a seat between the beds (maybe a little closer to Sirius) and fold my arms, processing it all.

After shaking them like maracas, it occurred to me that something was seriously wrong.

"Maybe we could belly flop them?" Suggested Peter, looking pale.

"Riiiight... And what if they're in a coma? Don't you think that could seriously harm them?" He shrugged helplessly and I hold in my angry retort. He's not thinking straight and neither was I. "God! We're so stupid." I cry, "We need help."

That's when I fetched McGonagall.

"Potter! You should be getting ready for class!" She said, folding her arms and looking annoyed at the teacher's table in the Great Hall (a look I am used to but have no time for).

"Professor, you have to get to our rooms now! It's Sirius and Remus."

She wisely said no more. Springing into action. And although we were discreet, we managed to draw attention to ourselves.

That's when people really started panicking. When they were carried to the infirmary on invisible, floating stretchers (after she'd used sonorus, a bloody loud amplifying spell to try to wake them). A crowd gathered around, gossiping until she flapped her arms at them and asked for some respect. I think Lily was among them, trying to clear our way. For once, I didn't care.

I'm dragged back to the present by suspect whispers from the corner of the room between the two women.

"I've tried a number of remedies and charms - even ennervate but..." A sigh, "Nothing seems to work. I think we need-"

"Dumbledore. Yes I know." McGonagall took her glasses off and rubbed the bridge of her nose, suddenly looking frail, "I think it's time we fetched him."

* * *

Well this is new.

Clothes! And not just any clothes either, my beloved PJs, which is definitely a first for these dreams...

I'm stood in a familiar place though I know I've never been here before. All our years as friends and I've never been in Remus's bedroom...

Well of course I wouldn't have. Not this bedroom anyway because a) it's not real and b) its his room from before I ever met him - all childish and innocent. Why am I here? How do I even know where here is?

His bed is tiny, patterned with little green dragons on the quilt which makes me smile. The room is very blue, thick blue carpet, blue walls, blue curtains. How can he not drown in the blueness? Several little toys lie on the floor - baby junk. Along with books that a boy of his age shouldn't be capable of reading yet, like the Wizard Compendium of Ghastly Beasts, but of course he can. A few telling comic books of Merlin the Wizard and other stories also lay scattered around - that's more like it. A teddy bear peaks out from behind his pillow in curiosity. This room is so muggle-like. Except for a fancy looking sneakscope and a battered baby broom in the corner that is.

I'm starting to question if this is real or his mind, or my mind when he, my Remus, speaks from behind me.

"Why are we here?"

I face him and shrug in a non-committal kind of way, "You tell me, this was your room after all."

I was expecting to see a five-year-old Remus, but I'll deal with the disappointment. He looks into my eyes, those amber pools the same as always. So safe and warm - yet worried, "How do you know that?" He frowns and then looks concerned, "We're dreaming again aren't we?"

"That's a safe bet." I sigh and flop onto his bed, "Little less X-rated this time though huh?" For some reason he's still wearing his uniform. And he's blushing.

"Sirius..." He moves as if he's going to perch on the edge but thinks better of it and paces instead. "Aren't you slightly worried here? Before I was having a completely dreamless sleep then ... childhood flashback."

I think it would be pretty cool to revisit your childhood. At least, if you had warm and caring parents like Remus did. But he looks like the room is seriously disturbing him. The blue is a bit weird but come on; it's downright pleasant compared to some rooms I could mention.

I try to make him lighten up (conflicting because I'm actually still upset with him),"It's complete with your own Sirius this time though. Improvement eh?" I say lazily, trying not to care. I wish he'd stop talking to me. Dream-him or not. I'm still trying to stay mad at him. It's better to be mad than hurting. Not just with Remus. That applies to family as well.

"My Sirius...?" he whispers, and finally stops pacing. I can't tell whether it's a question or if he's just repeating my words. Either way, I'll put a stop to_ that_.

"Figure of speech," I say hastily. He looks at me, hurt radiating from his eyes. So naturally, I ramble. "Because I'm not yours anymore am I? If I ever was. That's probably why things are different in dreamland now. Maybe that thicko potion realised we're over."

I hear him gulp, "Maybe," He replies softly. I expected more of the wounded tone from him. I don't know why, but I want to hear it. A part of me wants to hurt him because I suppose that...

Well, he hurt me.

But he seems to be far too distracted to listen to what I'm saying. He's gazing around the room in what I first suspected was awe and curiosity. I mean, what a blast from the past! But now I realise it's something else entirely. Something isn't right. Something's bothering him, and I don't like that look on his face at all.

He looks terrified.

* * *

"Thank goodness you're here. We've practically run out of ideas."

"Not at all Minerva. I'm sure you have both tried your utmost best." He replies, looking deep in thought and smiling kindly. That would sound patronising coming from anyone else, but not him.

I breathe a sigh of relief. I mean, it's Dumbledore. Dumbledore! If anyone can sort this mess out, it's him. He just exudes power with his intelligent eyes, majestic stance and well... There's just something there that makes you respect him. I nod at Peter in relief and he nods back, understanding.

Dumbledore studies them carefully before leaning over Sirius and putting his index fingers on his temples, inhaling deeply whilst the rest of us remain silent. He repeats the same odd action with Remus afterwards, then ceases and stands up straight in a swift motion that surprises us all.

"Well?" Asks McGonagall tensely.

"Well, I can safely say, that even when he's in a coma, Sirius Black has the nicest hair in his year."

I must be cracking up.

"What?" McGonagall cries, "With all due respect, now's not really the time for such pleasantries."

He smiles calmly in reply.

"Maybe we should call their parents Sir?" Interrupts Madam Pomfrey.

I snort at the idea of phoning Sirius' folks, and am relieved when Dumbledore dismisses the idea too.

"I do not think there is any need to cause alarm just yet." He replies, looking dreamy as he traces the iron headboard above Remus, looking absent minded.

Scrub that. _He's_ the one who's cracking up.

"But Albus, they won't wake up! Surely we must do something." In other circumstances, it would be amusing to see McGonagall try to stay polite to the Headmaster, whilst implying he's a loony. But not right now. She's only voicing what we're all thinking.

"I think that would be most unwise Minerva. Remember, they are only sleeping after all, and in dreams, we enter a world that is entirely our own."

He faces us all, probably noticing the confused faces.

"I think that the best course of action to take, would be to let events run their course." He translates, but it does little to make us feel better, "Trust me. I am certain they'll wake when - and only when - they are ready."

Although I feel terrible, helpless and slightly pathetic just sitting here, it's Dumbledore. And what else can I do but trust him?

What else can I do?

* * *

"What is it Remus? What's wrong?"

Sirius stands up promptly and holds me by the forearms gently. He stops me from looking feverishly around in a haze of fear and panic. Anchoring me to where I stand. How ironic, my world is falling apart and it's Sirius who holds me together.

The only person who has the power to make it fall apart in the first place. Or so I thought.

"Trust me Rem." He says, more softly this time. That gives me hope, something else to hold on to. He doesn't sound so mad at me anymore, "Trust me like I trusted you."

_Trusted._

Until I ended things with him he means. He was just starting to act warm and affectionate. Really starting to care.

"Tell me."

I owe him that much.

"I remember this room," I mumble, feeling weak. "I blocked it out before, but now...now I remember. Isn't it funny how the mind can do that to you?" I laugh agitatedly.

"Remus," It's that soft voice again. The one that makes me feel safe and happy.

"This is the room I lived in," I say, glancing at the bed and feeling nauseated. "This is the room where I was bitten."

* * *

**I'm so mean!**

**As always, feel free to tell me what you think.**


	13. Break Down

**Sorry for the wait. I'm a nice person really!**

**Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all 'cept the plot.**

**WARNING: contains strong horror.**

* * *

"Hey Potter."

"I'm not asleep!" My head snaps up from my folded arms in alarm. Yes, I'm still sat where I've been all afternoon. Seems like no one dared try to make me move. Peter however has sloped off to the great hall - mumbling something about bringing food back for me. As if. He just wants to escape this tense atmosphere like everyone else has.

"Of course not." Replies Lily gently, though that smile remains, lightly mocking me.

"Actually, I'm just resting my eyes. It's like sleeping - only classier." I mutter, rubbing my eyes.

"Still no change then." It's not a question though. She sits down in Pete's vacant chair next to me, looking at Remus in concern then across me at Sirius. Then me.

"Don't give me that look Evans." I say smiling a little, "McGonagall's been giving me the worried look all day. But on you it's just plain weird."

She kindly averts her bright green eyes with a small smile, "You've been here all day?"

"Of course. Nowhere else I'd rather be." It comes out automatically, which is funny. All day I've avoided saying something so sappy but it just slips out around Lily. How come I feel so natural around her all of a sudden?

The eyes are fixed on me again. This time they express a mixture of emotions. Sympathy, concern and even... well, admiration - I think.

She sighs, "Don't they know what's wrong with them? All I hear are the stupid rumours from the exaggerating student population." She mock gags.

"They've got an idea. Something to do with the potion that spilled over them in the fight."

Telling everyone about how it had been getting harder to wake them up recently was not a comfortable moment at all. Pomfrey actually scalded us for not mentioning it before, until Professor McGonagall cut in with a wry, _"Well come on Poppy, they are teenage boys after all. Of course they didn't think a little laziness was worth reporting."_

"The fight." She says with a frown, and at first I thought she was gonna start on Sirius and his recklessness again, which would not be acceptable. But to my pleasant surprise she added, "Stupid Severus."

Then once she'd seen my shocked expression, "Oh come on James, everyone knows he provoked Sirius... Though I guess those anger management sessions wouldn't go to waste on him!"

I pause and laugh a little. _She called me James!_ "Is there anything this school doesn't know about?! And what kind of rumours are floating around about them anyway?" I ask in curiosity, nodding at the comatose Sirius and Remus.

She shakes her head, red waves swaying, "Oh the usual," she mimics a high pitched girly voice, "_Oh, I heard they stunned each other!"_ Then in a dumb macho voice, "_No! They got paralysed by a giant snake, innit?!"_ Then in a voice that sounded suspiciously like Peter's "_Nuh-uh! It was from the shock of seeing Snivellus in the buff!"_ She then switches back to her usual voice, "Idiots!"

How can she keep making me laugh in a situation like this? "You're awful!"

"What a role reversal!" She grins, before suddenly turning sober again, "Seriously though. They are gonna be okay?"

"Dumbledore thinks so. But..."

"What?" Her hand is suddenly on mine which in other circumstances, would have made me shriek with joy, but not right now.

"Just look at them." I say, voice trembling a little as I nod at each of them.

Her hand leaves mine suddenly. "James Potter I'm ashamed!"

"What?!" I choke out. Really not the reply I thought she'd give.

She straightens indignantly, "They're the Marauders. Your best mates. _Of course_ they'll pull through." I don't dare contradict her by saying she asked me if they'd be okay first.

"Really?" As I find myself asking, as if her word meant it would be true. Still I needed to hear it all the same.

"Yes." She states firmly. "Wise man that Dumbledore. Let me come and visit you three didn't he?"

Dumbledore oh Dumbledore - you sly old dog!

Lily Evans - I'm gonna marry her one day…

"Now come on. You need a break." She orders, dragging me up by the wrist.

"No way! I'm not leaving now." I retaliate, pulling out of her grasp (something I never thought I'd do. Ever!).

"We'll just tell Madam Pomfrey to keep an eye on them and summon you if they wake up when you're not here." She looks at me firmly, "You need food James. Some drink, rest, bathroom break? We'll be back really fast I swear." She pauses at my frown. "Please?" She says softly.

Well...

--

"It was here. I was here. He broke in through this window and... And I thought it was all just a dream. No - a nightmare. But it wasn't. It wasn't at all. Wasn't."

Remus breaks away from my grip, pacing the floor manically and spitting out his words with venom.

"This window -" He points savagely at the drawn blue curtains, back facing me, "The glass smashed. And-and the damned curtains were shredded."

I hear glass shatter and a vicious ripping sound as he turns back to me, hands wrapped over his head either in pain or protection. I just can't tell anymore.

The curtains lay in tatters before the windowless pane as he breathes in short rasps. It's so dark outside. Murky clouds smother the sky. I wonder how I failed to notice such a darkness before.

"And so the monster bursts in. Enormous, hairy and covered in blood." He cries with a broken smile. Tears actually cascade down his face, thick and fast. I half expect a werewolf to burst in. Fortunately it does not. Yet.

He tears across to his bed as I watch with a sick and helpless fascination, "What a wake up call!" He laughs in a disturbing manner, still panting as he tears at his hair.

How can my calm Remus fall apart and become this crazed stranger?

I suddenly realise I ask that every full moon.

"I was only a child!" He screams, then quietly "Just a child... But he didn't care. Greyback didn't care at all. I was his revenge. His sweet treat for the night. Too bad Daddy didn't take his threat seriously eh? Coz we know better now don't we?" He looks at me wildly, but I doubt he even sees me.

"Remus -"

"NOT DONE YET!" He howls. He leans over the bed and touches bed covers, scraping his nails across it. "He didn't let me get up. Didn't give me a chance, and why would he? I was nothing to him!" He yells, "Just part of his food supply."

"Rem - please!" I don't want to hear anymore. I can't. I know it's selfish, but I can't stand it. It's just too horrific. Tearing me apart inside and breaking my heart.

Because I can see it. In my mind. I see what he sees - that innocent child, huddled in fear. I hear what he hears. It's unbearable. His fear - I can taste it.

"Let me!" He sobs. "It jumped on me. And -and all I could do was scream." I can hear him. _Actually hear him._ "I smelled earth, mould. Blood and sweat." So do I.

"It snarled and growled at me before it - it..." I can hear the horrific, guttural noises.

"It bit me. Tore at me - all about my chest." I can feel the pain too and stagger towards him as he slides down to the floor, sobbing hoarsely, "The blood, the pain - it was too much, I - I can't..."

"Remus -" I choke out, crying with the pain I feel for him and my phantom injuries. I check my chest and can't help but marvel at the fact there is no blood. The pain, it's so crushing and raw.

There is on the bed. Blood. I see it when the room flashes with silent lightening, distorting everything. A child's nightmare completed.

"This room is too blue Sirius - too small! The walls are closing in - I'm trapped - oh god! - Ican'tbreathe-Ican'tbreathe-SiriusIcan'tbreathe..."

I crawl across to where he crouches, rocking helplessly by his bed in a panic attack that is beyond severe.

"Remus," This is not my nightmare, but I want to take it from him. Make him safe. Make him better. But how?

"It's-coming. The-monster..." he gasps, "ME!"

I look at the window in fear, the full moon is peeping from behind the clouds. I should be afraid for myself. But I'm not.

"NO! Remus no." I suddenly realise what he needs. The right thing to say and do. I brush my tears away and then his own and hold his face ion my hands. He wont look at me. "You're not a monster. DO YOU HEAR ME? You're not a monster!"

He starts to convulse, but I don't care, because this is not happening. I won't let it.

I take him into my arms tightly and he weeps against my chest, gasping in pain. I bury my head against his shaking shoulder, blocking out that terrible room, which is starting to become unfocused and stormy, like there's interference

__

The world is falling apart…

I know what to say. What to do.

Tell the truth

"You're not a monster Remus." I whisper, but I know he hears me. He clings to my words like a child. "In fact, I almost forgot what you become one night a month... Because, well I was too busy falling in love with you."

It's funny how easily it came out. I guess I knew it all along.

His heaving shoulders gradually slow down.

"That's right. YOU. The man."

He still doesn't look up, but that's okay. I do, and I see with no surprise that the scene has changed.

We're in my dream land now.

And it's my turn to share.

* * *

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	14. Rebuild

**Enjoy!**

**Thanks for your reviews xx**

**Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all, but not the plot.**

* * *

I leave them for one minute. ONE MINUTE!

Okay, more like twenty but still...

I come back from the great hall, dragging Peter with me (but with Lily willingly by my side - wonders never cease) - feeling far more relaxed, refreshed and optimistic than before. And why shouldn't I? Lily was treating me like a human being and had convinced me everything was going to be all right while actually sitting beside me and having a decent conversation at the Gryffindor table.

Now I'm not so sure.

I've never seen anything like it. They were both having a fit or something. Lying there, stiff and clearly in pain. All the while muttering the occasional word.

I could make out the words _"Nightmare... Child... Scream..." _from Remus. And the occasional whimper from Sirius that sounded like "Rem" and "Stop".

Pomfrey, McGonagall and Dumbledore were tending to them, chanting soothing words as Lily held me back in the doorway. I know there was nothing I could do, but I needed to help, had to do something.

It seems the Professors (and Matron) disagreed. All three of us were ordered out of the room in such ferocity that even I could not argue. But seeing them like that... I slide down against the doors and bury my face in my arms.

"D'you think they'll take them to Saint Mungo's?" Peter's worried question disrupts my thoughts. I look up and see with appreciation that he and Lily are now sitting either side me.

"I think they should but..." She sighs, "The way Dumbledore was arguing with them. He seems to think they don't need to."

"He's stupid then," I cut in coldly.

Lily looks shocked, "James..."

"Didn't you see them?" I shout. At least she has the decency to look away guiltily, "They need Healers, REAL Healers. And he won't... He won't let them leave!" I spit out that last part bitterly, thumping my fist against the floor.

There's a long pause, "He must know what he's doing. Dumbledore I mean." Peter pipes up quietly. "I mean, they call him the greatest wizard of hmm..." He trails off lamely upon my look.

"He could be killing them." I shout in frustration, now on my feet and pacing, "Keeping them here. And for what? A hunch?"

Lily stands up defiantly beside me, hands on hips, frowning slightly (that's more like it), "Cool it James!"

I run my hands through my tangled hair and laugh humourlessly, "Cool it? Oh! Why didn't I think of that? My best mates could be dying but never mind, I should just cool it!"

"Shut up Potter!" She shouts sternly as Peter sulks in the corner, "I'm fed up of your whining. If you're just gonna stand around feeling sorry for yourself I'm sure that's a great help to them!"

"Well what else can I do?" I yell back, "Do you have any idea what this feels like? Why are you even here anyway?"

Suddenly, she squares right up to me, frowning meanly. Even at a time like this, she still surprises (and scares...) and fascinates me, "Don't make the mistake of thinking you're the only one who cares about them." She says darkly. "Now sit down - and try to keep calm."

Normally I'd say _bite me! _But seeing as there really is nothing else I can do, I actually listen to her.

"Fine then Evans, put the claws away..."

"I've just thought of something," Peter pipes up - I'd almost forgotten he was there. "Has anyone told Regulus?"

--

He slowly raises his head from my embrace, eyes searching our new surroundings with wonder.

"W-Where are we?"

We are outdoors and although it's still night time, the moon is now a shining, smiling crescent, surrounded by thousands of glittering stars in the midnight blue sky.  
We sit on a tall hill surrounded and covered by a field made of thick, luscious grass. But this grass is different. It feels soft and silky - relaxing, and is a smoky, dark purple that reaches above my ankles. It stretches on for miles around, a soft unfelt breeze making it ripple. In the distance, a silver lake glows peacefully, surrounded by red reeds and lilies that you can just about see from our eye line.

"It's beautiful..." Gasps Remus, still recovering.

I can see what he means. It's so peaceful and calming. Warm, but not too warm. Dark, but not too dark as we're illuminated by those magical stars. It's perfect. Too perfect. My childhood sanctuary.

We sit in the serenity, allowing the place to work its magic. Calming us both down with ease. Remus sinks until he is lying on back. I lie next to him and we remain this way for god knows how long. Side by side. Feels so good. I allow my hands to run across the cool grass that is so familiar and my hand accidentally connects with Remus's. I feel him silently link his fingers through mine as we gaze at the blanket of stars above us. I suddenly feel much warmer.

"Sirius..." Lost in my thoughts, I almost regret having to switch my mind back on again to process what he's saying.

"Hmmm?"

"Why are we here?" Damn! I knew he'd start questioning me. _Way to break the spell..._

"Isn't that obvious? I'm saving you!" I say, turning my head to the side so I can savour him in the moonlight. It's such a rarity to see him in it, after all. He's still in his uniform, golden hair spread out beautifully. I'm in my navy pyjamas (what we fell asleep in?) and here we are. Sleepover on the hill!

Amber eyes widen as they search mine - I'm lost in them (but that's alright because they're nice and warm and make me feel safe) "You mean you..."

"Yeah, I brought us here. Pretty cool eh?" I reply, making my voice sound light, "thought you needed a time-out"

"I guess you weren't wrong there," He answers softly, studying me carefully, our heads inches away, "But how?"

I consider this for a second before I reply, "I just thought about it, and here we are." He looks bewildered so I simplify, "I just knew I could."

I know what he's going to ask next, and I don't want to explain. I really don't. But he shared his most painful moment with me. His darkest secret so...

"Okay... But _where_ are we?"

I jump up (regrettably) - running my hands through my hair, avoiding his concerned gaze as he sits up. I fold my arms and take a deep breath.

"This is my made up land." I gabble before I can change my mind, "And yeah, I know it's kind of fem, but hey, I was little and this was the best I could come up with, at the time..."

He stands as well, and I see the look of surprise on his face at the lack of pain (or maybe it's over my sudden defensiveness). He raises his arms in surrender, "I didn't say anything!"

"Yeah well... I just thought I'd say," I grin and he smiles shyly back.

"So that's all this place is? Just a made up land in the mind of Sirius Black?" _He knows._ He wraps one arm around my shoulder and cups my face with the other, "Sirius?"

That's all he says, but it's enough. I sigh and lean against him. "Okay you win. I'll tell ya." I pull away (instant regret!) and this time I'm the one who's is pacing, only in a calmer, less freaky kind of way (I hope).

"I found a description of this place in some fantasy novel Andromeda read to me when I was little." I fake-laugh nervously though he hasn't mocked me so far. He stands there looking patient and caring. This encourages me. "Anyway... the hero in this book - a muggle! - escapes to this world through some kind of portal, cheesy I know, and he has all these adventures. He escapes from his mean family and finds a new one. He escapes..." The smile falls from my face and I look at my bare feet, "He escapes."

His eyes are now full of understanding.

"Oh..." But I'm not done.

"So I'd think of this place. Every time I felt sad, or alone or... afraid." I clear my throat, "I'd think of here whenever my brother was being particularly obnoxious or when Kreecher was being a git." I pause, "Or when my parents laid into me." I look up and see an expression of horror and sympathy on Remus's face. Not what I wanted because this almost makes me well up - but I refuse to cry. "I'd pretend that it was me who escaped when they'd yell at me. Especially when they'd try to hurt me. I'd just shut down and that way... I could take anything."

"Sirius..." He sounds truly horrified.

"It helped me to escape and feel better." I say, cutting him off, "So I thought it could do the same for you." He opens his mouth, "No Rem. I don't want you to say anything -"

"Okay, I won't." He replies unsteadily, looking like he's going to cry, which is another thing I didn't want to happen. It's also ridiculous, crying over this when he's been through so much worse.

--

The strong, confident Sirius Black has a secret. He conceals painful memories of his childhood from the world. Everyone in the world. Except for me.

How can I not love him?

Suddenly this place doesn't seem so beautiful anymore. And it isn't. It's a facade. A fake landscape where a scared little boy used to hide from the monsters of his childhood. His very own parents. Sure, it's no bloodstained bedroom of my nightmares, but the memories remain the same.

"No Rem. I don't want you to say anything -"

"Okay I won't." I hear a stranger reply shakily through my mouth. And I see him. I really see him. Past the image he holds up so incessantly. He's vulnerable and defensive, staring at the ground protectively. I suddenly remember what he said when my world was falling to pieces.

He loves me too.

HE LOVES ME TOO!!

Before I can help it, I launch myself at him and kiss him fiercely - wanting to take _his_ pain away for a change.

Sirius staggers back and makes a shocked little gasp before melting into the kiss, surprised but in pleased kind of way (I hope!).

I finally break away, "You know I love you too right?" I ask, feeling worried as I stare into those soft, grey eyes, "Always have." I add as an after thought. His warm and sincere smile washes away any worries I may have had about confessing that.

"You'd be mad not to!" He jokes, pulling me close once more beneath the stars.

I sigh with happiness (that word doesn't do it justice!) and can't help but think that as long as we're together, there isn't anything we cannot face.

And with that final thought, the world slowly ebbs away...

--

**Wake up time! Hope you enjoyed :)**


	15. Together

**Final chapter! **

**Thank you so much for sticking with this. I hope you all enjoyed it. I've never had over a hundred reviews before - so yay! - I mean thanks!**

**Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all accept the plot.**

**--**

"I can't believe him!" I yell, fuming. "That sick, little creep!"

"I know," Sighs Lily, "Just calm down alright?"

I cease my furious stomping once we reach the infirmary doors. For a moment, I was going to burst right in...

"He said 'Am I supposed to care?'" I shout, "Who says that?!"

"Yeah I can't believe it. I mean, Sirius is his brother. _His own brother_!" Says Peter, sounding astonished.

"Yeah, well it's Regulus - what did we expect?" I reply angrily, shaking my head, "Excellent idea Wormtail!"

Lily looks up in surprise, "Wormtail?"

"Never mind!" We both reply hastily.

"It's just..." I struggle for the right word, "Horrible."

"I know." Lily repeats soothingly, patting my shoulder.

"I guess... I guess I never quite believed Sirius when he said they hated him that much, you know?" I say, suddenly feeling sorry for Sirius and swearing - then and there - that I would do everything I could to make life at my home as fun as possible when he wakes up_._

Which he will. They both will.

They have to.

--

"Whoa! Where am I? What's going on? Remus?!"

"Easy, easy Sirius. You're in the infirmary. You're gonna be fine. You both are."

"I'm... I'm where?!" I try to shrug Madam Pomfrey's insanely strong grip off my shoulders. She's shining some kind of light from a tiny wand into my eyes. It aint half annoying.

"The infirmary Mr Black." And in a quick swoop, she swishes to my right and tends to another patient.

I'm a patient? Why am I in bed?

I didn't mean to say that aloud, but it seems my inner monologue is a bit frazzled because I get a reply.

"That's generally where ill people end up."

"McGonagall?" I mumble, feeling like a truck has ran over my head as I thrash free of the restraining bed covers.

"Yes, I'm here. You gave us quite a fright there."

"I did?" I say, seeing the tartan wonder at the foot of the bed. Reassuringly looking the same as always.

"Yes - the both of you."

That's the second time I've heard that. _Both of you._

"Remus!" I cry before seeing him lying in the bed next to me, Pomfrey giving him the same treatment.

"I'm alright - really!" I don't know whether he's saying that to the flapping matron or me. And I don't care. It's not enough.

"You both are!" Madam Pomfrey cries, sounding (not so reassuringly) surprised.

I swing my bare feet out of bed and onto the freezing stone floor. _Definitely not dreamland..._

I pad over to Remus who is now sitting up, rubbing his head, and perch on the edge of his bed, ignoring the painful screams of protest in my head. Well, outside as well as Pomfrey insists I get back into bed. Maybe it's something about my expression, but she mercifully shuts up. I have to see him properly. To make sure he's all right.

"You sure you're okay?" I ask gently, placing my hand on his once I eventually find it (ignoring all present company).

"Bit of a head ache, but I'm good." He looks touched and not at all surprised by our predicament. "As are you." Only I hear him quietly add _thank god._

I turn from the sight of my adorably bed headed boyfriend (can I call him that yet?!) and ask Madam Pomfrey (who stands beside McGonagall looking intrigued),  
"How long were we out for?"

"If you include last night, almost a whole day." She sounds slightly shell shocked, and not at all like her usual bossy self.

"Really?!" We say in unison, before grinning at each other. I know that sounds like I don't care, but really, what's the harm? Okay, so I lost a day. But I gained a Remus.

Plus missing potions really isn't all that bad.

I'm sick of potions.

McGonagall dryly cuts into my thoughts, "Maybe one of you two could tell us what happened here, seeing as we-"

"SIRIUS!!"

I'm suddenly knocked to the floor by a heavy blur of robes and bushy black hair!

"Oh no! I'm sorry! Did I hurt you? Oh, I hope not! Are you okay?" Gabbles James, clumsily yanking me upright so I nearly fall down again.

I'm about to say:_ I was! Until a gawky, overgrown Seeker brutally tackled me to the floor! _But then I see his expression. He looks so apologetic. Like he's beyond worried. He looks extremely tired, concerned and rumpled too.

"Oh Jamesy boy, of course I'm alright." I say, pulling him into a hug and noticing Peter and strangely Lily are doing the same thing to Remus.

"You sure?" He asks, voice muffled by my shoulder.

"I'm gonna charge a Galleon every time someone asks me that!" I joke, trying to pull away. But he clings on like a limpet, "You can let go now!" He doesn't budge. "Seriously! Running out of oxygen here!"

"Oh. Sorry!" He says sheepishly pulling away before punching me on the shoulder.

"Ow!" I cry, "What was that for?!"

"Don't do that again man! You almost left me alone with Peter!" He jokes, but I know he's being serious. Well, not about the Peter part but you know what I mean.

He suddenly leans in closer, a twinkle in his eyes, "Plus I had to act a bit more macho - in front of Evans you know?"

--

It seems our agreed explanation _We were just sleeping, _won't cut it with everyone. But all I know is there's no way I'm sharing what happened. It's private.

"Come on Remus, what really happened? What did you dream about?" Asks James, now sat beside my bed, sweetly trying to wheedle the truth out of me.

"Don't remember." I reply, smiling at his ill-disguised annoyance, "But somehow I think we'll be alright now." I add, smiling at Sirius, who winks back.

Lily clears her throat, grinning knowingly (uh oh!), "Come on James, give it a rest. There's some things you don't need to know."

"Oh how little you know him!" Says Sirius, lounging temptingly on his bed, eyes rarely leaving me. Tease!

"Yeah, he needs to know everything in that brain of his!" Adds Peter enthusiastically.

"Like his head needs to get any bigger!" Jokes Lily, but I notice she gives his hand a squeeze. That's nice.

That's not all I've noticed tonight.

"Oy!" He says, pretending to swat Lily, "You're all ganging up on me!" Cries James melodramatically.

"But you make it so fun!" Laughs Sirius and we all join in with him.

Earlier, I swear I saw a dark haired boy peeking around the door looking at Sirius. He looked very upset and disappeared when he saw me. I think I'll tell Sirius when the others have gone - seeing as we have to stay here overnight. Like we haven't had enough sleep.

Hmmm, overnight...

--

"You don't seem very distressed for a guy who's been in a coma for nearly twenty-four hours."

"Well, what can I say Candida, I like to live dangerously!"

She smiles warmly, "Yes, I've noticed. You really have to tame that reckless side of yours. It could be the death of you..."

"Yeah that's it! Say what you think won't you?" I laugh, "I don't want you to bottle anything up now!"

"Careful now, you're starting to sound like me!"

I laugh again. I really like her. I didn't have to come to today's session (or any of the other sessions I've been to) because apparently, nearly dying is punishment enough. But I wanted to. So yeah, we did some weird breathing exercises and she told me a bit about herself (as promised). She has an evil family too.

"Well not evil per-say - let's not be judgemental! - just old fashioned. And not very understanding either." She sighs, "Then there's my crazy sister -"

"That's very judgemental!"

"No, she is crazy! She's just started working for the ministry of magic, god help us. Then there's my pure blood obsessed parents - charming people! Didn't take to kindly to my choice of profession. But that's the thing Sirius." She say's leaning across the desk towards me, "It's _our_ choice. Surround yourself with your friends and decide your own fate."

"Preaching to the choir!"

And that's when it happened. I told her all about my parents - if you can even call them that - and the things they'd say and do. I left out any complaints about Regulus. Remus told me he almost visited me which makes me feel all funny. Like I miss him. Anyway, I then told her about the coma. Not Remus's part, of course not! And that naturally lead to Remus though I think she already knew how I feel about him. Just by the way we shared our dreams. That, and I think she's psychic! Maybe I should consider that reckless thing...

"See, that's what bottling things up does to you. Only these consequences were a bit extreme!" She says, about Remus's coma confessions, and me "But this Remus sounds lovely!"

She's not wrong there. And it's surprising that the first person I should talk openly about my relationship with Remus to should be a little old lady who I barely even know (almost as surprising as Dumbledore seeing us looking all deathly and merely complimenting my hair! How awesome!). But she hasn't acted all repulsed. But is understanding instead and she even gave me advice which was not embarrassing_ at all..._

Shudder!

I think James knows on some level and Lily definitely does because she keeps giggling and not just around her new boyfriend. She and James are so lovey-dovey it makes me... Oh! I can't be cynical; because I'm sure I'm in love too! Isn't that sickening?

Anyway, James said to me the other day about it, "Dude! I don't really need or want to know about you guys. As long as you're both happy..." But he was half joking so I guess that's okay. We'll just keep displays of affection strictly private (or so Remus thinks!). For now at least - mwah ha ha! I want to show off to the world that he's mine!

"I can definitely tell you're a lot happier now than PC." Says Candida.

PC is our code for Pre Coma.

And I totally am. That night in the infirmary was one of the happiest nights of my life. And all we did was share a bed and hold each other after I apologised for being such an ass and he told me he'd loved me since forever (well that and a lot more but I don't kiss and tell. Much!). I think it's becoming a tradition for us to kiss in the moonlight or something which is good because maybe he'll fear the moon less, as long as I'm here.

At least I like to think so.

It's ironic really, when you consider our names because he's the moon and I'm the stars. And you know what? I really like it that way.

--

**Thanks so much for reading!**

**Lori xx**


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